Forum-Gallery-Shop-Sponsors

« Advertise on Freel2.com

Home > Off Topic > Forum humour !!! (Some Jokes May Offend)
Post Reply  Down to end
Page 143 of 143 <123 ... 141142143
Print this entire topic · 
Andy131



Member Since: 09 Dec 2009
Location: Manchester
Posts: 2183

United Kingdom 

Not going to get any better when they release hundreds of prisoners early, some of who will have nowhere to go to. Tangiers Orange - gone, missing her
Replaced by Ewok what a mistake - now a happy Disco Sport owner

Post #444653 12th Sep 2024 9:21 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Lightwater



Member Since: 21 Aug 2014
Location: Sydney Northern Beaches
Posts: 4906

Ukraine 2013 Freelander 2 2.0T SE Auto Fuji White

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees.

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the night, the bartender thinks that nothing could possibly top the first trick so he agrees.

The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.

"Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale."

The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.

"No," he insists, "he's not for sale."

The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.

The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded.

"That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"

"Don't worry about it." the man answered.

"The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist." Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

Post #444663 12th Sep 2024 11:48 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Jimboland



Member Since: 06 Dec 2015
Location: Northants
Posts: 734

England 2012 Freelander 2 SD4 GS Auto Santorini Black

Although the Olympics are over you can still buy most of the merchandising stuff. A man told his wife that he had got some Olympic condoms and they were made in Gold, Silver and Bronze and said I think we should try Gold tonight. She replied, why don't you try Silver and cum second for a change?


Jimbo

Post #444694 15th Sep 2024 7:02 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Lightwater



Member Since: 21 Aug 2014
Location: Sydney Northern Beaches
Posts: 4906

Ukraine 2013 Freelander 2 2.0T SE Auto Fuji White

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire. "Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go...?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?" I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do whatever you want." So here I am! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

Post #444721 16th Sep 2024 6:56 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Lightwater



Member Since: 21 Aug 2014
Location: Sydney Northern Beaches
Posts: 4906

Ukraine 2013 Freelander 2 2.0T SE Auto Fuji White

A woman has a saucy secret rendezvous with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend, and they make love for hours.
Afterwards, as they're lying in bed together, the woman's home telephone rings. As she answers, her lover listens in, only hearing her side of the conversation.
Hello? Oh, hey I'm so glad that you called Really? That's wonderful Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time Oh, that sounds terrific Love you, too. Bye.
She hangs up the phone and her lover looks at her curiously. Who was that? he asks.
Oh, she replies. Just my husband. He was telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

Post #444722 16th Sep 2024 7:40 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Lightwater



Member Since: 21 Aug 2014
Location: Sydney Northern Beaches
Posts: 4906

Ukraine 2013 Freelander 2 2.0T SE Auto Fuji White

 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

Post #444816 21st Sep 2024 12:56 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Lightwater



Member Since: 21 Aug 2014
Location: Sydney Northern Beaches
Posts: 4906

Ukraine 2013 Freelander 2 2.0T SE Auto Fuji White

 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

Post #444880 24th Sep 2024 4:13 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Lightwater



Member Since: 21 Aug 2014
Location: Sydney Northern Beaches
Posts: 4906

Ukraine 2013 Freelander 2 2.0T SE Auto Fuji White

 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

Post #444944 27th Sep 2024 1:07 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
robblue



Member Since: 10 Jan 2017
Location: cornwall
Posts: 262

United Kingdom 2012 Freelander 2 SD4 XS Auto Santorini Black

Rolling with laughter nearly there just a few more PSI Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

Post #444948 27th Sep 2024 7:08 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Lightwater



Member Since: 21 Aug 2014
Location: Sydney Northern Beaches
Posts: 4906

Ukraine 2013 Freelander 2 2.0T SE Auto Fuji White

Too many time zones

Medvedev calls putin, nervously telling him that it would be a good idea to get rid of time zones altogether.
"Why"? putin asks

"I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she has it tomorrow. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it's not today."

"Indeed" putin replies "but that's only minor stuff, remember when that Polish plane crashed with the president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!!" Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

Post #444979 28th Sep 2024 12:51 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Lightwater



Member Since: 21 Aug 2014
Location: Sydney Northern Beaches
Posts: 4906

Ukraine 2013 Freelander 2 2.0T SE Auto Fuji White

Putin is at a loss with his armies getting stomped in Kursk and in desperation he summons the ghost of Stalin:

Stalin: Why have you summoned me?

Putin: Help! The Nazis have returned to Kursk and my armies are getting crushed! What can I do?

Stalin: Do what I did in 1943. Send the best Ukrainian troops to Kursk and ask the US for weapons. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

Post #445008 29th Sep 2024 11:42 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Rommel



Member Since: 20 Aug 2017
Location: Sandhurst Berkshire
Posts: 631

England 2013 Freelander 2 TD4 XS Manual Fuji White

Andy131 wrote:
Not going to get any better when they release hundreds of prisoners early, some of who will have nowhere to go to.



 2013 FL2 XS.
Defender 90 300 TDi.
Defender 90 300 TDi CSW.
1964 MGB Roadster.
1944 Willys MB "Jeep" with bullet holes. (gone)
17 hand Irish Drought Thoroughbred (mostly lame)
Nagging Old Boiler.

Mahatma Gandhi said if there is an Idiot in power those who elected him are well represented

Post #445012 29th Sep 2024 5:36 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Rommel



Member Since: 20 Aug 2017
Location: Sandhurst Berkshire
Posts: 631

England 2013 Freelander 2 TD4 XS Manual Fuji White

 2013 FL2 XS.
Defender 90 300 TDi.
Defender 90 300 TDi CSW.
1964 MGB Roadster.
1944 Willys MB "Jeep" with bullet holes. (gone)
17 hand Irish Drought Thoroughbred (mostly lame)
Nagging Old Boiler.

Mahatma Gandhi said if there is an Idiot in power those who elected him are well represented

Post #445548 21st Oct 2024 5:35 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Rommel



Member Since: 20 Aug 2017
Location: Sandhurst Berkshire
Posts: 631

England 2013 Freelander 2 TD4 XS Manual Fuji White

 2013 FL2 XS.
Defender 90 300 TDi.
Defender 90 300 TDi CSW.
1964 MGB Roadster.
1944 Willys MB "Jeep" with bullet holes. (gone)
17 hand Irish Drought Thoroughbred (mostly lame)
Nagging Old Boiler.

Mahatma Gandhi said if there is an Idiot in power those who elected him are well represented

Post #445563 22nd Oct 2024 3:51 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Post Reply
Post Reply  Back to top
Page 143 of 143 <123 ... 141142143
All times are GMT

Jump to  
Previous Topic | Next Topic >
Posting Rules
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum



Site Copyright © 2006-2024 Futuranet Ltd & Martin Lewis
Freel2.com RSS Feed - All Forums


Switch to Mobile site