There were two dogs at the vets waiting for treatment. One was a big alsation and the other a small mongrel.

The big dog asked the small one why he looked so sad and the small dog replied that he was on death row and was going to be put down. When the big dog asked why, the small dog explained that his family didn't feed him regularly so he had to get what food he could find. His family said that if he didn't stop taking food that they would get rid of him. Then one day they left the fridge open and he flound some meat in it and he ate it. That was the last straw as the mother in law (MIL) was coming to dinner that day and there was no meat and all the family had was a tin of dog food to give her and they tried to convince the MIL that it was a new kind of curry.

The small dog asked the big dog what he had done and the big dog told him that he was lying down in the garden one sunny day when the lady of the house came out to do some gardening and as she stepped over him to pull up a weed he could see right up her skirt and that she was not wearing anything underneath. Well that got me excited and I couldn't resist so I was up and at her and had her doggy style.

The small dog said that was so bad and no wonder he was going to be put down too. The big dog said no she is not going to have me put down, she had only brought me in to have my claws trimmed!

Jimbo

 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

A hotel guest calls the front desk from his room on the eighth floor.
The call is picked up by the clerk on the reception desk.
The clerk answers,
"May I help you?"
The man says,
"Yes, I'm in room 858"
"You need to send someone to my room immediately"
"What seems to be the problem sir?"
Asks the clerk,
"I'm having an argument with my wife and she's threatening to jump out of the window."
The desk clerk calmly says,
"I'm very sorry to hear that sir, but that's a personal matter."
The man replies,
"Listen you idiot, the window won't open... and that's a maintenance matter!" Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

Apparently Newcastle University is offering a degree in Equine Studies.
So there really are courses for horses. Jules

 DAVE.

Victor was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked,
'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth.
'Well, Victor, it's called sexual intercourse.'
'Oh,' Little Vic said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds.
And Jimmy's mum wants to talk to you! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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What really happened in the Whitehouse.

Just click the "X" top left side to close overlay.

See second video down the page (basically at the top of page)

www.threads.net/@the_dark_nug/post/DGqtpIpyJ6_/media

I don't know how to link the video directly. It's only a few seconds. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Good for him "MAYBE SOMETHING BETTER"  DAVE.

The Wonders of a Catholic Education!

1+ 2 = 3

Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can't even begin to imagine how their mind is working....
Little Zachary was doing very badly in maths.
His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centres.
In short, everything they could think of to help his maths.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary
came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started
studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to
dinner.
To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as
before.
This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card.. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great
trepidation, His Mum looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.
She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. . . 'Well, then,'
she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?'
Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.' Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Dachshund

A well to do British lady on safari, takes her little dachshund with her. Well, one day the dachshund wanders off & gets lost.
Sitting in the middle of the savannah contemplating his fate he notices a lion approaching. What to do, his mind raced.
The lion puzzled at what this strange looking animal was & thought well surely it can't be too dangerous & might even be tasty so starts to race in to attack.
The little dachshund sees some bones close by so picks one up & has a chew & exclaims, well that lion sure was delicious!
The lion stopped, shocked in his tracks & backed away.
As it happened, there was a monkey sitting up a tree watching the whole thing.
He yells to the lion to come over closer & informs him that he had been tricked. The lion not sure if the monkey is lying too turns to leave. The monkey said he'll jump on the lions back & ride over & prove the dog is harmless & if he's wrong can eat him instead. The lion agrees & the monkey jumps on his back & off they trot towards the dog. The Dachshund sees the approaching pair & just as he was about to be attacked the lion exclaims "I wonder where that monkey went? The dachshund said he was going to bring me another lion.... ". And that is the true story of the lion, the monkey & the dog. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Lightwater wrote:

The Wonders of a Catholic Education!

1+ 2 = 3

Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can't even begin to imagine how their mind is working....
Little Zachary was doing very badly in maths.
His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centres.
In short, everything they could think of to help his maths.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary
came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started
studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to
dinner.
To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as
before.
This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card.. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great
trepidation, His Mum looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.
She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. . . 'Well, then,'
she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?'
Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'

The rest was good.

Especially leading up to 'Mary was married to Joseph'  Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Her Well-Kept Secret...

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a locked chest on top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the chest, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the chest and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the chest. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the chest. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
'Honey,' he said, 'that explains these two dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the other dolls.' Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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A professional dietitian was lecturing in front of a group of people who wanted to lose weight.
The food we eat is so bad for us, that it will still hurt our health several years down the road, she said.
Sugary drinks eat up the lining of our stomach, processed food is full of chemicals, meat is full of preservatives, and even our water is filled with germs. And I havent even gotten to fatty foods yet! Do you know which type of dessert will give you the most troubles and suffering for many years after youve eaten it?
The whole group fell silent, until an 80-year-old man sitting in the back stood up and said: A wedding cake. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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