Only the British would get this one!...........................

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street .

He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.

'I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.

He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.Soon they were Heart Throbs.

It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.
But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.

Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts! Another member of the failed FL2 clutch/DMF club, twice.

The Doctor wrote:

Sorry but the Tardis doesn't have DMF or clutch and (thank god) no commandshit auto

Must be "DPF FULL - VISIT DEALER" on the display with limp mode auto inforced  2007 Freelander 2 HSE TD4 Manual with Premium Pack & Moonroof.
Stornoway Grey with Ebony Black Pleather, Clear Indicators, Body Side Mouldings etc.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?.... He felt his presents!  LL.B (Hons) - University of Derby
LOT (Lord of Time) - University of Gallifrey

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects your eye globe with your ass?
It's called the Anal-Optic nerve and it's responsible for the shìtty vision about life.
If you don't believe it, try pulling a hair from your ass and see how you burst in tears ...

A blonde walks in a grocery store, goes to the teller and says:
- Hello, I'd like to buy one kilo of potatoes, one kilo of tomatoes an one kilo of onions, please.
The teller, with a friendly face, says:
- Well, we have potatoes and tomatoes, but unfortunately, we ran out of onions, would you like anything else instead?
With a confused look on her face, the blonde turns around and leaves, without saying a word.
After about 5 minutes, she re-enters the shop, goes straight to the teller and, in a determined voice, says:
- Hello, I'd like to buy two kilos of potatoes, two kilos of tomatoes an two kilos of onions, please.
The man looks at her a bit annoyed and ploitely replies:
- Miss, I told you before, potatoes and tomatoes I can give you, but we don't have onions anymore.
The blonde turns around and leaves.
Sure enough, after another 10 minutes, she comes in again, goes to the teller and says in a very convincing voice:
- Hello, I'd like to buy three kilos of potatoes, three kilos of tomatoes an three kilos of onions, please.
This time, the man is completely pìssed off.
- Look, I see I'm not getting through to you, so let me try a different approach. What do you get if you take the "tato" out of "potato"?
The blonde looks a bit surprised, but replies:
- Po.
- Very good. And what do you get if you take the "mato" out of "tomato"?
- To, says the blonde, but...
- Excellent. Now: what do you get if you take the "fück" out of "onions"?
- But there's no "fück" in onions! replies the blonde.
- Right! THERE'S NO FÜCKIN' ONIONS!!!

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Adelaide, Australia.
They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar – ALL Drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This Is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on In and let me pour one for you!

What'll it be, gentlemen?"

There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no Time the bartender serves up four iced martinis???shaken, not stirred???and Says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again
Saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their

Curiosity gets the better Of them.

They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar Yet. Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good As these for a dime apiece?"
"I'm a retired tailor from Tasmania," the bartender says, "and I always Wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10 cents. Wine, liquor, beer's all the same."

"Holy !! That's some story!" one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing Seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in Front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're tourists from Scotland. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."

So are all the regulars



Welcome to the Forum.....posting is free

speak for yourself... I'm loaded


coz i dont waste my hard earned on ipads etc  At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

Full blown Dell XPS this evening

Feltham Travelodge, Dominoes pizza (yuk) and a bottle of Pinotage, ready for my bike tomorrow

I bet the first comment back in Lancashire "Oi Taz, were do ya nick that from"

Travelodge! That's like the asda of hotels

landy19840 wrote:

Travelodge! That's like the asda of hotels

Etap is netto so you might be right

http://fragg.me/video/best-of-fails-2011

Man United 0 Newcastle 3. The way they played was a joke!