He laid her on the table,
So white, clean and bare.

His forhead wet with sweat,
He rubbed her here and there.

He touched her neck and felt her breast,
then drooling felt her thigh.

The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.

The hole was wide he looked inside,
All was dark and murky.

He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms,
And then he stuffed his turkey.



MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL  ______________________
2011 Full Fat RR 4.4 TDV8
2012 FL2 SD4 Auto HSE
2013 Kawasaki Versys 650

Thats just as funny whether pi55ed or sober

I don't remember these from nursery school...

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To do a bit of kissing,
Jack made a pass,
And grabbed her ass,
Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead,
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb,
It strayed into a pylon,
10,000 volts went up it's arse,
And turned its wool to nylon. Out with the old (2007 SE)
In with the new (2012 Dynamic with everything). Now also gone.

Catholic Girls



A train hits a bus filled with Catholic schoolgirls and they all perish.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks
the first girl, " Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male
organ?
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with
the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, " Okay, dip the tip of your
finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever
had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but
replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "
Okay,
dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One
girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the
front, St.Peter says, "Nicola, What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I
want to do it before Betty sticks her arse in it."

An on duty Gendarme spots a Freelander approaching the Champs Elysees with a rear light out. He beckons the driver to pull over, which he does and winds his window down. The Officer has a good look inside the car and notices that the driver and passenger are conjoined twins, Boaby & Davy.

Instead of making an issue over the light out situation he begins to engage in some friendly chat.

Gendarme: Ah, you are on holiday my friends?

Davy: Aye, that's right big yin.

We've been coming every September weekend for the last 9 years.

Gendarme: So I guess you come to France to get away from ze rainy weather you have in Ecosse?

Davy: Naw, it nearly always pishes doon when we come here.

Your weather's nae better than oors, in't that right Boaby?

Boaby: Aye.

Gendarme: Zen I take it you are here to enjoy our delicious French food, very healthy.

Davy: Naw, yer food's rotten big man, everything reeks of garlic. We've brought a box full of pieces to avoid eating your crap.

Gendarme: Zen you must be here to drink our famous wines and cognac, surely.

Davy: Yer swally's boggin, we've hid tae bring a crate load of Tennents lager.

In't that right Boaby?

Boaby: Aye.

Gendarme (by now ever so slightly bemused): Well in that case you must be here to see the Parisienne madamoiselles, ze most beautiful women in Europe .

Davy: Yer kiddin in't ye!

The burds here are dogs, ah widnae touch them wae yours big yin.

Gendarme (by now rather irate): Zen why do you people come to our country if everysing ees so bad?

Boaby: It's the only chance oor Davy gets tae drive!  Freelander 2 GS Auto black + privacy glass
Mercedes E220 CDI

UKdave104 wrote:

He laid her on the table,
So white, clean and bare.

His forhead wet with sweat,
He rubbed her here and there.

He touched her neck and felt her breast,
then drooling felt her thigh.

The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.

The hole was wide he looked inside,
All was dark and murky.

He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms,
And then he stuffed his turkey.



MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL

There is far too much Christmas spirit around so its time to cause offence ..... to everyone

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon,though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz
in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British
issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher
levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level
of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Merry Christmas to you all

For all the member with young children, i don't mean to disrupt your concentration when you are on the job but keep this one in mind...

Little Johnny is passing his parents bedroom when he hears a strange noise coming from inside.
He opens the door to find his Mum bent over the dressing table while his Father is giving her one from behind.
His Father looks round and sees Johhny watching so he gives him a wink and Johnny closes the door.
Later, once the parents have finished, his Father thought he better go see Johnny to make sure he was alright.
As he approaches Johnny's bedroom, he hears a strange noise coming from inside.
He opens the door to find Johnny has his Grandmother bent over the dressing table with Johnny giving her one from behind.
His Father yells "Johnny, what the are you doing?"
Johnny replied "It isn't funny when it's your Mother, is it?" Out with the old (2007 SE)
In with the new (2012 Dynamic with everything). Now also gone.

Little boy in bath with mum
Boy says "wots that hairy thing"
Mums says "that's my sponge"
Boy says "Oh yeah auntie kim's got one , i've seen her wash dad's face with it.....

pp57 and wildrover


By the way, I bought a Teddy Bear for £10 and I named it 'Mohammed', I then sold it for £20,...............my question is........?????????????????? Have I made a Prophet??????????????

After all the mayhem of calling a teddy bear Mohammed in sudan,


Sooty has cancelled his tour of Jamaica Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

15 year old girl goes to see Santa,
She sits on his knee and Santa says - "What would you like for Christmas ?"
Girl says - "I would like some hair around my f y"
Santa says - "Would a white beard do??"  ______________________
2011 Full Fat RR 4.4 TDV8
2012 FL2 SD4 Auto HSE
2013 Kawasaki Versys 650

2 nuns sitting in a bath..........one says 'wheres the soap?????' The other one says "yeh!! Does a bit doesn't it!!"

2 nuns sitting on a park bench, a a pervert comes up to them opens his mack and flashes his manhood at them.....one nun had a stroke the other couldn't reach.

2 parrots sitting on a perch one says to the other "can you smell fish??"

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD ...

HOPE THIS MAKES YOU SMILE !
THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD


Well, it's ... that's right, !
may just be the most functional word in the English language.


You can smoke , buy , sell , lose , find , forget , and tell others to eat .


Some people know their , while others can't tell the difference between and shineola.

There are lucky , dumb , and crazy . There is bull , horse , and chicken .



You can throw , sling , catch , shoot the , or duck when the hits the fan.

You can give a or serve on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep or be happier than a pig in .

Some days are colder than! , some days are hotter than , and some days are just plain .



Some music sounds like , things can look like , and there are times when you feel like .


You can have too much , not enough , the right , the wrong or a lot of weird .


You can carry , have a mountain of , or find yourself up creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to and other times you fall in a bucket of and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your , you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a ; or not do so if you don't give a !

Well, , it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of . But, if you happened to catch a load of from some -head...........

Well, Happens!!! ______________________
2011 Full Fat RR 4.4 TDV8
2012 FL2 SD4 Auto HSE
2013 Kawasaki Versys 650

[img]http://www.doctors.net.uk/DocStore/DSView/Document.aspx?docid=523736[/img]


http://www.doctors.net.uk/DocStore/DSView/...cid=523736