Two London businessmen were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.

As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Yorkshireman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Yorkshire accent asked "What's tha sellin' ere?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ar**-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the Yorkshireman said, "Tha's doing well ... Only two left!"

I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close call yesterday.
I walked into B&Q hardware store at lunchtime and some old guy
dressed in a black shirt with an orange apron on asked me if I wanted decking.

Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted him out.
Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.
Pass this warning on. ______________________
2011 Full Fat RR 4.4 TDV8
2012 FL2 SD4 Auto HSE
2013 Kawasaki Versys 650

WOMAN'S LOVE POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S LOVE POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
Huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and hunting

And lets me watch all sports with the lads. This
Doesn't rhyme and I don't give a  ______________________
2011 Full Fat RR 4.4 TDV8
2012 FL2 SD4 Auto HSE
2013 Kawasaki Versys 650

and I thought my jokes where bad cheers dave! No more thanks

Quote:

and I thought my jokes where bad

They are !!  ______________________
2011 Full Fat RR 4.4 TDV8
2012 FL2 SD4 Auto HSE
2013 Kawasaki Versys 650

Mick and Paddy had promised their uncle Seamus, who had been a seafaring gent, all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.

Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their promise.

They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Mick says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?'

Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing in water up to his knees.

'Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more.'

After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water is only up to his belly, so they row on.

Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy?'

Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No dis'll neva do.'

The water was only up to his chest.

So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath.


'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?'
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'Aye it 'tis, hand me da shovel.'

An arab at Heathrow:
- Name?
- Abdul al Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no. I mean male or female?
- Male female sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't it hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run to fast FREELANDER 2 TD4 SE (XS UK) IZMIR BLUE SIDE STEPS COLD PACK BI-XENON TINTED WINDOWS - AND PROUD OF HER

at Matei

A Muslim was seated next to an Australian on a flight from London to Melbourne.

After the plane was airborne, drinks were offered.

The Aussie asked for a Rum and Coke, which was placed before him

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he would like a drink. He replied, in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen naked women than let alcohol pass my lips."

The Aussie immediately handed his drink back to the attendant and said, " Me too !. I didn't know we had a choice ?." FREELANDER 2 TD4 SE (XS UK) IZMIR BLUE SIDE STEPS COLD PACK BI-XENON TINTED WINDOWS - AND PROUD OF HER

now I know what to ask on the next plane trip  

it sounds all so close to home for me

This one I heard from a Lloyd's broker

"An american tourist was visiting London when he suddently feels an urge to take a leak. He looks and looks for a toilet but does not find one. Desperate he goes on a small alley, get's in a dark corner near a wall and starts unzipping his pants.
Suddently he feels a hand on his shoulder and when he turns around there was a policeman who tells him:
- Sorry sir it is not allowed to urinate in public places.
The american escuses himself and explins the situation. The policeman than says:
- I'll help you .Follow me.
The policeman than brings the tourist through a small gate into a wonderfull garden and shows him a tree and says:
- You can urinate here if you like.
The amerian solves his problem and now with relief asks the policeman:
- Tell me. This is what you call english hospitality ?
- No - says the policeman - Thia is what we call the French Embassy FREELANDER 2 TD4 SE (XS UK) IZMIR BLUE SIDE STEPS COLD PACK BI-XENON TINTED WINDOWS - AND PROUD OF HER

just seen this over on RRSport



 Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

Thief! How can carbon have a footprint, it has no feet?
Now driving - RRE Coupe Dynamic Lux Auto with Plus pack, Fuji White, Ebony, SD4 with tow pack
Gone - 2010MY FFRR TDv8 Stornoway and Ivory, Privacy - the pace of a TDv8 RRS, the incomparable grace of a Range Rover
Gone but will be missed- RRS Tdv8 HSE Stornoway Grey with Ebony Leather
Gone (only a little missed) RRS Tdv6 2.7SE Giverny Green/Aspen
Defender 90 County HT in Epsom Green

i know i just couldn't resist

only just fitted into the swag bag too

Good to see your back safe after your six weeks away at sailing the seas

Did it take you to anywhere nice? Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis