REMINDS ME OF THE DAYS AT SCHOOL WITH THE CALCULATOR WHAT WORDS CAN BE WRITTEN UPSIDE DOWN???

7IO 773H5

5336338

53I8008 6I8

The other day I was in Halfords. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap.
We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What does it do?" She said she didn't know, but its always been there.
The assistant gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture. So she makes a circle about 3 inches in diameter and in the centre she writes 710



A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot for "parking." He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He gets closer to the car and sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and knocks at the window. The young man lowers his window...
"Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, isn't it obvious?  I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing toward the young woman, the cop says, "And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs. "I believe she's knitting a pullover."
The cop is totally confused. A young couple alone in a car at night...and nothing obscene is happening!
"What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 25, Sir"
"And her, what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and says: "She'll be 18 
  ...................... in 20  minutes."



A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the door bell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my LOVE dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"LOVE dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband LOVES me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me".
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my LOVE dress," she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing" he said. "What's for dinner?" Out with the old (2007 SE)
In with the new (2012 Dynamic with everything). Now also gone.

I guess there will be many jokes about the England team, but just heard this about half an hour ago on Radio 2... ... ...

What's the difference between the England team and Lewis Hamilton ?

Lewis Hamilton will still have a Maclaren in the morning !!



What's the difference between the England team and a tea bag?

A tea bag will stay in the cup longer !!

GCHQ late last night intercepted an encoded message originating from somewhere in Scotland it said "Come home agent Mclaren your work is done"

Goldstone69 wrote:

GCHQ late last night intercepted an encoded message originating from somewhere in Scotland it said "Come home agent Mclaren your work is done"

I'm very sorry for the exclusion of your team...

Severe flash flooding hit Scotland this morning as 5 million scots pish themselves laughing

RsTurbo wrote:

I'm very sorry for the exclusion of your team...

Blimey even the Italians are taking the you get one free shot as you did Knock out the 'plucky' scots

Quote:

Blimey even the Italians are taking the you get one free shot as you did Knock out the 'plucky' scots

Carefull GS69................."WE" know where you live  ______________________
2011 Full Fat RR 4.4 TDV8
2012 FL2 SD4 Auto HSE
2013 Kawasaki Versys 650

UKdave104 wrote:

Carefull GS69................."WE" know where you live

always thought Hadrians wall should have been rebuilt

Goldstone69 wrote:

UKdave104 wrote:

Carefull GS69................."WE" know where you live

always thought Hadrians wall should have been rebuilt

but that would mean a set of Irish brickies to rebuild it, unless we sent it off to another country to have it rebuilt at 50% labour cost.  Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

npinks wrote:

but that would mean a set of Irish brickies to rebuild it, unless we sent it off to another country to have it rebuilt at 50% labour cost.

Good idea everything gets made in China these days so simply ship large sections of there 'Great Wall ' straight to the border ....job done

Goldstone69 wrote:

npinks wrote:

but that would mean a set of Irish brickies to rebuild it, unless we sent it off to another country to have it rebuilt at 50% labour cost.

Good idea everything gets made in China these days so simply ship large sections of there 'Great Wall ' straight to the border ....job done

And to save costs even further our friend "Captain Tim in Scotland" could bring it back when his next passing I sure he have the room on that dingy of his Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off
> his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite
> blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
>
> The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, "did you call
> for me?"
>
> The man replied, "No, what do you mean?"
>
> She said, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if
> you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she led him
> to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly
> pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
>
> Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered
> the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man
> lumbered out of the steam room toward him.
>
> "Did you call for me? " asked the hairy man.
>
> "No, what do you mean?" replied the newcomer.
>
> "You must be new." answered the hairy man, "It's a rule that if you fart,
> it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spun him around,
> put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.
>
> The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a
> smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she asked.
>
> "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the
> $500 membership fee."
>
> "But, Sir," she replied, "you've only been here a few hours. You haven't
> had a chance to see all our facilities."
>
> "Listen lady, I'm 69 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I
> fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here."

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
pearly gates.
               
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
               
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a
lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
               
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
               
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, "They're bells."
               
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
               
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of his wife's panties.
               
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"
               
The man replied, "These are Carols."  Out with the old (2007 SE)
In with the new (2012 Dynamic with everything). Now also gone.

nice ones lads, keep them coming