From the Poke 10MY (Sept 09) TD4 HSE Auto in Stornoway Grey (Now Gone)

08 FL2 TD4 SE Manual in Rimini Red (Now Gone)

Two women were sat quietly one day, minding their own business..... At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

When I die a want to be scattered around Disney land please
Also, i don't want to be cremated 2008 xs
Snorkel
raised axle/gearbox breathers
Mantec tank guard
Cb radio
Blanked EGR
Sump guard
Scratches
Snolkle

No problem! I know where the cow shredder is. Everyone can spread it - Anyone can catch it. Stay home - the life you save can be your own!

A tree hugging liberal leftie politician, a reporter who has no understanding and a Soldier were captured by Daesh and told they were to be beheaded.
All 3 were offered a last request before the deed was done. The politician asked that he could hear "the international" one last time. A recording of the communist anthem was duly found and played out to the teary-eyed leftie. The reporter requested that he be allowed to address the camera used to record the executions so that he got his face on TV even after he died. The terrorists agreed to this.
The Soldier simply asked that each of the terrorists present gave him a kick up the arse before he was beheaded. Bemused, they did as he asked. As the last extremist boot went in, the Soldier pitched forward, rolled, whipped out the browning 9mm he had concealed in his trousers and started shooting till he ran out of ammo. Grabbing an AK47 from the dead terrorist, he calmly finished off his would-be executioners before pulling out a Cuban cigar and lighting it from his hot gun barrel. The amazed reporter and politician thanked the Soldier profusely but were puzzled as to why he had asked for the arse-kicking before he performed his heroics.
"Well", says the Soldier, "when we get back to the UK, I can't have you two stringing me up for an unprovoked attack".

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers.

He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?”, asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”.

For those model rail enthusiasts among us

Click image to enlarge

A GT6 pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic light.

"Do you have a car phone?" its driver asked the man in the Rolls.

"Of course I do," was the haughty reply.

"Do you have a fax machine?"

The Rolls driver sighed. "I have that too."

"Do you have a double bed in the back?" the GT6 driver wanted to know. Ashen-faced, the Rolls driver sped off.
That afternoon, he had a mechanic install a double bed in his car.

A week later, the Rolls driver passed the same GT6, parked on the side of the road with its back windows fogged up and steam pouring out. The arrogant driver pulled over, got out of the Rolls and banged on the GT6's rear window. "I want you to know that I've had a double bed installed," bragged the Rolls driver.

The GT6 driver rolled his window down and frowned at the Rolls driver. "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?"

A woman hears someone knock at the door. She opens to see and a man asks, "Do you have a vagina??" She slams the door in disgust. The next day she hears a knock, opens up and its the same man. He asks the same question the woman slams the door again. Her husband gets home she tells him what happened for the last two days. The husband says to her, "Honey I'm taking tomorrow off to be home just in case he shows up again."

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and the husband says, "I'm going to hide behind the door and listen. If it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to see where he is going with this." The man asks the same question, "Do you have a vagina?" "Yes!" replies the woman. The man replies, "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's one alone and start using yours?"......

Paddy walks into a bar and orders three pints of Guinness, sits down, sips one then the other and then the third one until all three pints are empty. He then goes back to the bar and orders three pints again and does the same. On his third trip to the bar the bemused barman suggests Paddy order and drink them one at a time so they stay cooler and fresher longer.

Paddy looks confused for a second and then explains to the barman that just before his brothers Murphy and Shamus emigrated to the US and Oz they'd drunk Guinness together and vowed to always each drink three pints simultaneously whenever they drank alone to remember each other and the home country.

The barman was touched by this brotherly gesture and dutifully poured Paddy three pints and did the same each and every time Paddy came into the bar. Then one day a sad looking Paddy came in and ordered two pints, sat down and soulfully drank them before ordering another two. Again and again Paddy ordered and drank just two pints before finally the concerned barman gingerly asked Paddy if Shamus and Murphy were ok - fearing the worst.

A confused Paddy asked the barman why he thought something had happened to them and the barman explained he'd assumed so given Paddy was just ordering two pints. Paddy was relieved to be able to tell the barman that both Murphy and Shamus were in good health but that he'd decided to give up the drink, hence the glum face!

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful … CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter!!

Oh my Gosh!! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!! Turn them!! TURN THEM NOW!!

We need more butter. Oh my Gosh!! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They’re going to STICK!! Careful… CAREFUL!! I said be CAREFUL!!

You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never!! Turn them! HURRY UP!! Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind?

Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!!”

The wife stared at him. “What the is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving”.

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin you swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin you breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "You know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"


Bill Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

I think there will probably be assassination attempts on Trump's life.

His security team will constantly be shouting, "Donald...., duck!"

Bill Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.