Iain

Irrefutable Proof That A Good Woman Can Bring Balance & Stability To Your Life!!!!!
 At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

My gorgeous blond neighbour just confronted me about items of clothing missing from her clothes line !!!
I nearly in her pants !



A guy goes to the doctors with a rash on his b***s , the doctor said "you will have to stop w*****g " he ask" why?" and she said " I am trying to examine you ! At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

Subject: Pervert phone call

The phone rings, and the wife answers.

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says,

"I bet you have a tight arse with no hair?
Woman replies,


"Yes, he's watching TV - who shall I say is calling?"


Bill T Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

Iain

 ______________________
2011 Full Fat RR 4.4 TDV8
2012 FL2 SD4 Auto HSE
2013 Kawasaki Versys 650

News flashes:

Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.



A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.


Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.



I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.



The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.



Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary)



Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".



Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.



Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!



Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.



If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's Spam.



They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.



I've just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in Indian sweat shops. Looking at the quality of stitching on my new trainers the little bastards deserved it!



When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.



The local deli ran out of milk again due to the freezing weather, fortunately, my elderly neighbour Doreen has plenty stacked up on her doorstep. John
07 HSE Narvick Black
Land Rover Series One
Triumph Rocket 111 (sadly gone!)

Iain

@jst

its a bank holiday - its down with rain. but there are tears rolling down my cheeks - so funny.

Once, there was an old farmer. Besides his farm, a river. And there were some apple trees growing by the river.
Once, in the evening, the old man decided to go and pick some apples.
Passing by the river he heard some laughter and saw that in the river were some beautiful girls who were bathing naked.
As they saw him, they entered in the water up to their neck and told him:
"Old men, we're not coming out of the river until you're leaving..."
The farmer, raising up the bucket, said:
"No problem, stay calm, I didn't come to watch you, I'm here just to feed the crocodiles! ..."

saw this on a farming forum:-

"Last edited by Hooby Farmer; 30-08-2012 at 10:40. Reason: speeling"  At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. As he gets into the taxi, the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Jimmy.”

Passenger: “Who”?

...
Cabbie:Jimmy Sullivan. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Jimmy Sullivan every single time.

Passenger: There are always a few clouds over
everybody.

Cabbie: Not, Jimmy Sullivan, He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.

Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me, if I change a fuse, the whole street blacks out. But Jimmy Sullivan he could do everything right.

Passenger: Wow, some guy huh.

Cabbie: He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But, Jimmy, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman to make her feel special. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong, and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to good old Jimmy Sullivan.

Passenger: An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?

Cabbie: Well…….I never actually met Jimmy. He died 10 years ago and I married his widow At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

An American fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane, both with
A machine gunner on board. Sensing danger he shot them down.
Back at base he got a right Telling off. Apparently they were Allied Carpets.
..... .. . . . . . . . . . ..

I was driving to work this morning when I saw an R.A.C van parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself that guys heading for a breakdown?.
. . . .. . . . . .. . . . ..

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign saying “English speaking Doctor”.
I thought, What a good idea, why don’t w e have them in our country.?
. . . .. . . . . . . . . ...
The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife.
"Is this your wife sir?" said the officer.
"Yes it is", I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer.
"I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!"
. . . . . . . . . . . . ..

Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15. Called down to the wife and got no answer.
Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was, face down on the floor... Dead!
At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes...
Then a moment of pure inspiration... McDonalds do Breakfast until 10:30!
. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Two women were talking.. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex?"
"I did once & he looked really angry."
"Why angry?"
Because he was watching through the window.
. . . . . . . . . . . . ..

Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear.
Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half.
It was only when I got to the very top I realised I was still on the bus home.
. . . . . .. . . . . . . .

The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind.
The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis!
. . . . . . . . . . . . .

My daughter just walked into the living room and said, "Dad cancel my allowance, rent my room out, throw a ll my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone and jewellery to the charity shop. Sell my car, take my front door key and throw me out of the house".
Well, she didn't exactly put it like that. Actually what she said was, "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohammed." John
07 HSE Narvick Black
Land Rover Series One
Triumph Rocket 111 (sadly gone!)

To commemorate Kate Middleton's topless photos Royal Doulton are releasing a pair of small jugs... At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

 John
07 HSE Narvick Black
Land Rover Series One
Triumph Rocket 111 (sadly gone!)