Now that is funny

War Horse walks in to a pub. Barman says "Why the long film?" 10MY (Sept 09) TD4 HSE Auto in Stornoway Grey (Now Gone)

08 FL2 TD4 SE Manual in Rimini Red (Now Gone)

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting a red light

The driver is a real bar steward, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!



So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.



The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.



The tirade goes on without the officer saying a dickybird.



When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket.



He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The bloke signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.



The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an arsehole!"



Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record and he has a heap of demerits and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.



On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.



Under cross examination the defence attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"



Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."



Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"



"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."



"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"



"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."



"Aggressive and hostile?"



"Yes, Sir.”



"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for arsehole?"



“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.”







~~~~ How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client~~~~ Gone, 2007 TD4 SE Auto Baltic blue, clear side repeaters, full sized alloy spare.

English by birth..... Yorkshire by the grace of God.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C. 

The Russians used a pencil.

I am sure this was meant differently, made me chuckle though

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Haha - I saw a similar thing a few months back. I had to take a screen grab.
Maybe the BBC does have a sense of humour!

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Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.

She looked okay for a 61 year-old.

In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she
probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a bit, had a bit of a snuggle and then she asked if I'd ever
had a 'Sportsman's Double'.

'What's that?' I asked.

'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

'No!', I said, excitedly.

Well, we drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my 'lucky night'.

We went back to her place.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum, you still awake?'

I range a local toyshop and asked if they had any models of cruise liners. they said they had one left, so I asked them to put it one side for me.

Realspeed Ex 2010 Freelander2 GS-e Diesel manual Silver owner

The Cruise ship entertainer was singing Lionel Ritchie Hit dancing on the ceiling moments after the crash

I was watching the sky news report the other day when he said, "It's not a nice sight to see something so big laying on its side with a gash the size of a tennis court" at that moment I looked at the wife lounging on the sofa, now its all kicked off

Last edited by dunroof on 14th Feb 2013 9:38 pm. Edited 1 time in total

and you have nothing better to do than winge at everything

Last edited by dunroof on 14th Feb 2013 9:39 pm. Edited 1 time in total

dunroof wrote:

Do they have an Emoticon for casting out a fishing line and something biting it?

No - but don't let that stop you  2002 Honda VFR800
2002 Toyota Celica 140 Silver (mid life crisis - again!)
2007 FL2 GS Manual Army Reconnaissance Green + freel2.com sticker
2004 Toyota Celica 140 Black - Gone
2000 Toyota Celica 140 Silver - Gone
1998 Toyota Celica ST Pearl Green - Gone
1996 Nissan Primera 1.6 - Gone
1994 Rover Montego 1.6 Auto - Gone

A person was stopped from rushing down stairs as the ship was sinking. When asked why they said they were going to listen to the music. What music? he said, didn't you hear to call over the tannoy saying "a band on ship"

Realspeed Ex 2010 Freelander2 GS-e Diesel manual Silver owner

I've just bought a raffle ticket to win a cruise in the mediterranean, last weeks was a rollover..... ______________________
2011 Full Fat RR 4.4 TDV8
2012 FL2 SD4 Auto HSE
2013 Kawasaki Versys 650