Paddy is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mary, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation, Paddy turns to Mary and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"

She asks, "What?''

"Sex." he replies.

Mary exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

"I know," says Paddy, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."

"Well, I can oblige," says Mary, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mary would hold Paddy's thingie.

Then one night Paddy didn't show up at their usual meeting place.

Alarmed, Mary decided to find him and make sure he was O.K.

She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Paddy's's little pal!

Furious, Mary yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun!! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"

Old Paddy smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's" Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the M25 near London. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all members of Parliament, and they're asking for a £100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.



The man replies, "Roughly a litre." Every time I learn something new,something old gets pushed out of my brain?

^^^^^

expect a 'community resolution order ' in the post

Considering the number of fish & chip oil burners you have. Impressive numbers! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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My only personal criticism is that the bitch is too well groomed! All of them for that matter!! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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In Australia some States had to put the clocks back an hour because daylight saving ended.

Here is a quick fix for the young ones who don't know how to adjust an analogue clock:

 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Some will remember this interactive website Dancing Bush. You press the buttons, in other words pull the strings!

One could swap the block of wood for an even denser block of wood to up date it!

A video of dancing bush:


Link to game:
https://www.numuki.com/game/dancing-bush/ Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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A few new dance moves to add to the list:

Brown nose. (An old political comment in Australia: Why do you only ever see "X" politician's sandshoes... I better not elaborate other than that they are on their knees).

Suck & not spit.

Brown paper bag (do they actually make them that large) routine.

Turning by threes now has a new meaning... ruZZia, chiNA & usARSE.


There are plenty more, but the list is too long & anyone with 1.000...1 brain cells can work it out anyway! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18