A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.' So the married couple walked in.

The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.

The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'

The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.' Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.

The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!' Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

A farmer was into tractors in a big way. Apart from the tractors he used every day on his farm he had a large collection of all sorts of tractors that he kept in his barn.

One day while he was moving some of his tracors about he ran over and killed his wife. He was really upset and distraught so much so that he decided that he would get rid of his whole collection of tractors.

Some years later he met a lady on an online dating app and they decided to meet in a restaurant. They had a nice meal when all of a sudden there was an explosion in the kitchen and the whole resturant caught fire.

Everyone was rushing to get out of the restaurant except the farmer who told the lady to get out and leave him there. So off she went and when everyone had gone he took a huge deep breath and sucked in all the flames which put the fire out.

The restaurant owner was so pleased that the fire was out and he asked the farmer how he did it and the farmer replied; I am an ex tractor fan!

Jimbo

Sorry, coat, gone.

 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

Baby and the photographer

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
'Have you really?" Said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" Gasped Mrs. Smith.
"In my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" Asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" Said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied, "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh .. . . .equipment?"
"It's true, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

It was Jennifer's 16th birthday. She was a very happy, vivacious and good looking young lady and she had just passed her school exams so she had a combined birthday/exam result party and all her friends and family were invited including her older uncle Harry.

Harry had not seen her since she was about 7 or 8 years old and since then she had grown up. Harry was very impressed and got talking to her. He was quite a womaniser and it was not long before he got her alone and had his wicked way with her.

He felt sorry for her as he had "de-flowered" her at such a tender age so he took out his wallet and gave her a £10 note. She took the money but looked a bit sad and started sobbing, so Harry thought he should give her some more money, after all you can only be de-flowered once, and as she was so young he was sure he was the first, so he took out his wallet and gave her a £20 note. At that she started crying loudly and uncontrollably. Harry was getting a bit worried so he took out his wallet and gave her a £50 note to try to console her but it had the opposite effect and she kept on crying.

Harry was very concerned so he asked her if he had hurt her and what was wrong and why she was crying so much. So in between all the sobs and tears she replied "I didn't know you could get money for doing it!"

Jimbo

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the
bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Well thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley.
We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.

The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.

The waitress asks, "Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?"

"Yup," says the woman. "Makes it easier than trying to remember who's who every damn time."

"But what if you only want to talk to one of them for some reason?" the waitress asks.

"Well, then I just call them by their last names." Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.

He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.

Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone (Thank God for mobile phones!).

'Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works Fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'

'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep, 'The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons.' Have a nice day.. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

In other words  Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

 2013 FL2 XS.
Defender 90 300 TDi.
Defender 90 300 TDi CSW.
1964 MGB Roadster.
1944 Willys MB "Jeep" with bullet holes. (gone)
17 hand Irish Drought Thoroughbred (mostly lame)
Nagging Old Boiler.

Mahatma Gandhi said if there is an Idiot in power those who elected him are well represented

 2011 XS,Sumatra Black, GONE MARCH 2014- RR Evoque Prestige 5 door ,MY 2014,Loire Blue, Silver Roof, Panoramic roof.
MY 2016 Disco Sport HSE Auto Scotia Grey,REJECTED
Mercedes E220D AMG line with air suspension(Gone)
DS 200 SE Dynamic my 21 (Gone)
DS 200 SE Dynamic my 22 (Gone)
Audi Q5 40TDI S line (gone)
Discovery Sport D200 S 2024 MY

Today thousands of prisoners are being released early due to overcrowding in prisons. Many of them will be homeless and be at risk of re-offending and sent back to jail but those who are homeless should bin thier papers and claim asylum and get put up in a nice hotel.

Serious comment: why do we have so many of our own homeless people still sleeping in the streets when so called asylum seekers are in nice hotels?


Jimbo