When asked the similarities between, woman & alcohol, Shakespeare replied:

They both have the amazing quality of giving pleasure at night and headache in the morning! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.

They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "watch out for the F...ing wall!" Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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I'm guessing you are not in the mood.

 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

I doubt Wifey is wearing spikes & barbed wire on rear. Who is going to do laundry repairs? One needs to have plan B (b..) & look for rear approach... so to speak! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Putin's police state has become so repressive that a popular joke from Soviet times has resurfaced.


Two KGB agents who are having a beer after work. The first one, Ivan, says to his colleague, 'Tell me, Dmitry. What do you really think about Putin?' and Dmitry replies, 'The same as you do.' Ivan thinks for a moment and says: 'In that case, it is my duty to arrest you.' Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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A few Russian jokes:

Two neighbours meet in the street. Olga says to Katerina, the corner store has eggs & butter. Katerina laughs!


What is hotter than hot water in winter, cold water.


Vladimir orders a new car. The sales person said it will be ready to buy in 10 ten years.

Vladimir asks is that morning or afternoon?

The sales person says what does it matter!

Vladimir says I have a plumber coming in the morning! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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I vs We:

 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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More Russian jokes.

Teacher asks, who has pets at home.
Vladimir answers, we have lice, ticks, bed bugs, cockroaches, fleas and rats.

What did the Russian billionaire say when checking in at a hotel? I'd like a room on the ground floor.

A tired father of eight comes home after a long night shift. The kids surround him and demand to play. He says, Okay, let's play a game called Mausoleum where I'll be Lenin and you'll be the guards.

A journalist interviews Lenin.
Vladimir Ilyich, how did you come up with the slogan, Study, study and study?
I didn't come up with anything, I was just trying out a new pen! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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A bigger one of these in Wify's car to clean up mess!

https://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-wales-67907306 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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I thought I would get some response on that one! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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While Putin is working in his office planning the Ukraine war, the ghost of Stalin suddenly appears. Putin takes the opportunity to seek advice: “Stalin, what happened? why are things not working out for us?”
Stalin gives him advice: “Send 5 million Russians to their death at war, and paint the Kremlin blue.”
“Why blue?” asks Vladimir Putin.
“… I knew you wouldn’t have a problem with the first part,” chuckles the old Stalin.


Vladimir Putin walks up to a customs agent at the airport after landing in a foreign country. Agent asks: Name? Putin says: Vladimir. The agent asks: Occupation? Putin responds: No, I’m only visiting this country.


Changing the time zones. Russia is the country in the world with the most different time zones (11), stretching from Europe to China. Putin’s assistant gets frustrated with all these time zones and suggests Putin to put an end to them. He shares with Putin:
– I am really getting lost between all these time zones… and it’s causing problems. Last week, I flew from Moscow to a city in East Russia, called my family and woke everyone up by accident because of the time difference. I also call Macron (French president) to wish him a happy birthday and he told me it was the day before.
I call the Chinese President to wish him a happy new year, and he said it’s not until the next day.
– Well, says Putin, these are not big problems… it is worth really changing all these time zones?
– Sure. But when the Polish president died in a plane crash, I called the Polish Prime Minister to share my condolences… but the plane hadn’t taken off yet!


Russian doctor: Ma’am, due to your declining health, I would advise you to no longer touch anything alcoholic. Woman: I guess I’ll have to get a divorce.


A Russian child found a lost bottle full of vodka on the playground. He raced it over to the police station and promised the boy they would get to the bottom of it.


I’m starting the all-Vodka diet. So far I’ve lost 3 days this week.


On his first trip to America, Vladimir stopped at a McDonald’s. “One vodka please!” The cashier behind the counter said: “Sir, this is a McDonald’s.” Vladimir replied: “Oh sorry, one McVodka please!”


Why is Russian vodka so clear? It’s so Russians can tell it isn’t tap water. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Tiger Woods was having a break from golf on a remote Scottish island where there was no internet, wifi or even a phone signal.

The small island ferry was only just big enough to accommodate his large top of the range Mercedes.

As he got into the car to drive off the ferry when reached the island two golf tees fell out of his pocket.

The ferry man saw this and picked the tees up and handed them to Tiger. He didn't know what they were so he asked Tiger what the were for.

Tiger said that he uses them to rest his balls on when he drives off.

The ferry man was amazed and said that those designers at Mercedes think of everything!


J

Old Robert

Robert, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Robert, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Robert takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Robert, Again he is ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Robert kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it Robert is back again, knocking on the door and is as fresh as a 25 year old, ready for more action. And, once more they enjoy each other.

But as Robert gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Robert.

Robert, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?' Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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 Tangiers Orange - gone, missing her
Replaced by Ewok what a mistake - now a happy Disco Sport owner