Why what did he do

How do Kiwis find sheep in long grass?

Irresistible! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Manchester fathers'

The following are all replies that Manchester women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing "father's details;" or putting it another way.... Who's the Daddy?

These are genuine excerpts from the forms:


1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda,

but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.


2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind.

I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.


3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night.

I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks .


4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.

Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.


5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.


6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy.

I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise...


7.Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.


8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro-Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.


9. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening.

If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56 Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.


10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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An old guy

An old guy was working out at the gym when he spotted a young hot girl walking in.
He asked the trainer standing next to him, "What machine should I use to impress that girl over there?"
The trainer looked him up and down and said;
"I would recommend the ATM in the lobby." Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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I Like Chips wrote:

Why what did he do

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"
“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."
"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba." Jules

 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

Constipation

A bartender is waiting for closing time at his pub so he can lock up, and go home. Its a slow night and he has no customers.

He hears a light knock at the back door, opens it, and there are 2 nuns there. One says, Mr Bartender, can we impose upon you for a wee favor? Certainly, Sister, what is it?

Well, its not for us, you understand, its for Father Murphy. Hes suffering from a bad case of the constipation, and the only thing that helps the poor man out is a wee drop of whiskey.The other nun continues, Wed go to the shop, but gossips in this town being as they are, we thought wed ask you for this favor instead, as we know you're a discreet man and can keep a secret, as all bartenders do.

The bartender replies, Certainly, Sisters, Ill just be a moment. He returns and hands them an unopened bottle of some fine Scotch single-malt.

Later, he locks up and starts driving home, and what does he see, but the two nuns, walking down the middle of the road, weaving, and singing at the top of their lungs. He can see the bottle, and its all gone except for the last inch or two.

He pulls over and rolls down the window. Sisters! he exclaims. I thought you said that bottle was for Father Murphy's constipation!

Oh, but it is, one replied. When we get back, and he sees us in this condition, he's going to sh!t himself! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

 (Now Sold). 2008 Freelander 2 (Nazca Sand) SE TD4 Auto. Statutory write off & on WOVR for hail damage but still road legal.
171037Km as of 09/05/22
Superchips Bluefin Flash
Nanocom Evo II (also sold)

Dead rooster

Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in, and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.

When his Dad came home, Billy said, Dad, our rooster is dead, and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?

His father, thinking quickly, said, Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.

Gee, Dad, thats great, said little Billy.

A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, Dad, Dad! We almost lost Mom today!

What do you mean? Dad asked.

Well, Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom, and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air, screaming, Jesus, I'm coming, I'm coming!

If it hadn't been for Uncle George holding her down, we'd have lost her for sure! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

Happy new year Lightwater keep up the good work  2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

As previously stated I simply pass on the "better" ones!


 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

with Lightwater ......... Les Dawson material ..... lives on.

the rest of the world has ..... moved on.