MIG or TIG?




Speaking of boats, someone I worked with:

He had a very long term friend who he sailed regularly with on expensive yachts.

His friend's wife just happened to work in a different business in the same building & she said to her husband that Friday nights she always had drinks with us.

Every now & then the husband would phone & ask to chat with his Wifey.

We always said she was in the bathroom or some other excuse, she just left. She never once had drinks with us.

We knew she was having an affair, even before she told us not to say anything.

All of us would have liked to give her a good hammering, absolutely fantastic figure. Calling her a pocket rocket.

My work colleague, I said just keep out of the topic. Better you know nothing. It's a no win situation. Better to not "see" anything (Yes Minister advice).

In summer we would fall off our chairs when she came down the stairs in what appeared to be no undies. Maybe wearing an invisible G-strings dividing the finer elements deeply!

I really don't know how I didn't cut my fingers off with the work I was doing at the time. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Large donation

A church is handing around the donations box. To entice more donations, the priest says: Whoever donates the most money for the church can choose three hymns at the end of the service.
The box makes its way back to the Priest and he looks through it. Shocked, he pulls out a cheque: Who donated $1000?!
An older woman raises her hand excitedly: Oh that was me!
The Priest invites her up to thank her and so she can chose her three hymns. She stands at the front, looks around and points at the three most handsome men in the church.
I'll have him, him and him! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

Tight queue at bus stop

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she t...ried to make the step only to discover she still couldnt. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, How dare you touch my body! I dont even know who you are! The Texan smiled and drawled, Well, maam, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Most on here will not be old enough to remember the 1950s fashion of tight almost ankle length skirts and stilleto heel shoes where women had the same problem of stepping on a bus. In those days we had the Regent model bus (the model Cliff Richard used in that dreadful film "Summer Holiday") and just a few of the early Routemaster bus.


Also for us oldies: My weekly school trip to the local swimming pool for swimming lessons was by a Regent bus and on the way back up a steep hill when the bus was in first gear (they had a four speed pre-select gearbox) a group of us would go to the back of the bus and jump up and down in unison and this would cause the bus to stall. Great fun for us but it was worth getting the cane for.

Another one "bites the dust" so to speak.


Senior golf:

Arthur is 75 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. Thats it, he tells his wife. I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went.

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try.

That's no good, sighs Arthur, your brother is 90. He cant help.

He may be 90, says the wife, but his eyesight is perfect.

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law and says, Did you see the ball?

Of course I did! Answers the brother-in-law. I have perfect eyesight.

Where did it go? Arthur asks. I don't remember. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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A woman takes her husband to a night club for his birthday. As soon as they get there, the bouncer greets him "hey, Frank!". The woman asks "why do you two know each other?" and the man answers "you know, we often meet at Jimmy's place to play cards". The woman apologizes and they get in. The bartender sees them and asks him "hey, Frank, do you take the usual?". The woman, angry, drags her husband out of the club and calls a cab. As soon as they get in the car, the taxi driver says "you really got yourself an ugly one this time Frank". Frank's funeral is next thursday. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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When I was a boy.


When I was a boy, my momma would send me down to the corner store with $1.00.

And I'd come back with: 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and 6 eggs.

You can't do that now...

...too many f_ckin' security cameras. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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American Tourist Taunts an Australian

An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a café when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, You Australian folk eat the whole bread?

The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, of course.

The American blew a huge bubble. We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia.

The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence.

The American persisted, Dya eat jam with your bread?

Sighing, the Australian replied, of course.

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, we don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia.

The Australian then asked, Do you have sex in the States?

The American smiled and said. Why, of course we do.

The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, and what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?

We throw them away, of course!

Now it was the Australians turn to smile. We don't. In Australia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States. Why do you think it's called Wrigleys chewing gum? Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

thats brilliant looks just like my dog except havent taught him to pole dance  2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

Obviously he is visiting the wrong clubs! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

One for Australians:


A man met a beautiful blonde lady and after a short courtship asked her to marry him.

She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'

He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!'

He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. After seventy-five laps she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.

He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Mildura, but I worked both sides of the Murray River! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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That is similar to what happened in Liverpool - she used to work both sides of the River Mersey until she retired when the Mersey ferry started to operate.

J