2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

Glad someone can come up with something that isn't rude!


Anyway back to the previous theme. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Rustom about enlarging her breasts.

Dr. Rustom advised her 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'

She did this faithfully for several months! To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!

One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.

Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle of the aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'

A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked 'Oh! Are you a patient of 'Dr. Rustom ?'

'Yes I am... How did you know ?'
He winked and replied, "Hickory dickory dock...." Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Loving Husband

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or an easy path.

Gentlemen, remember you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.

The room became very quiet as the men absorbed and pondered this information.

After a few moments a man at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand. Yes? asked the instructor.

The man asks, I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carried a golf bag? Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven.
While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet table.
Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.
They saw her and began calling greetings to her:
"Hello. How are you?! We’ve been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, 'This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly spelled "love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.
"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.
"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion.
And my wife and I traveled all around the world.
We were on vacation and I went water skiing today.
I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.


''Czechoslovakia''. Every time I learn something new,something old gets pushed out of my brain?

He slept with a widow using his friends name. Sixteen months later? Oops!


Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's station-wagon and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.
I'm recently widowed, she explained, and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.
Not to worry, Jack said, we'll be happy to sleep in the barn. We'll be gone at first light.
The lady agreed and they settled into the barn for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they went on their way.
Sixteen months later, Jack got a letter from an attorney. After reading it, he thought for a few minutes and realized he must be the widow's attorney.
He called up his friend Bob and said, Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?
Yes, I do.
Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit? Jack asked.
Yes, I have to admit that I did.
Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name? Jack asked.
Bobs face turns red and he said, Yeah, I'm afraid I did.
Well, thanks! Jack replied, she just died and left me everything! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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If I was a plastic surgeon.........

I would 100% put a squeaky toy in every breast implant. Common sense isn't very common.
_______________________________
2007 Land Rover Freelander2 I6 hse Auto

Glass coffins.....

will they be come popular?

Remains to be seen. Common sense isn't very common.
_______________________________
2007 Land Rover Freelander2 I6 hse Auto

A conversation in heaven

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.

WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

SYLVIA: I froze to death.

WANDA: How horrible!

SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself watching TV.

SYLVIA: So, what happened?

WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer we'd both still be alive. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Brilliant 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

Harrods

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a Salesman standing right behind her Good looking as well.
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all ...of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the lady with, Good day, Madam. How may we help You today?
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little incident, she asks, what is the price of this Lovely bracelet?
He answers, Madam if you farted just looking at it, when I tell you the price you're going to sh_t yourself! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Confucius Did Not Say.....

Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
And, Confucius Really Did Not Say...
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!" Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Bible salesman

A priest wanted to sell bibles so he asked for volunteers to go door-to-door and sell them for $10 each. Peter, Paul and Louis decided to volunteer for the task. While Peter and Paul were both respected salesmen with long term experience in the town, the priest had doubts about Louis because of his terrible stutter.

Not wanting to discourage poor Louis, the priest decided to let him try anyway.

After the first day of sales, Peter proudly handed the priest an envelope. Father, using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.

Paul smiled proudly and said, I am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280.

Louis silently offered the priest a very large envelope. What is this? the priest exclaimed. Louie, there's $3,200 in the envelope! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week? Louie just nodded, yes.

That's impossible! both Peter and Paul said in unison. We are professional salesmen with decades of experience, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could.

I think you'd better explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Louis, the priest enquired.

Louis shrugged. I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don'tt kn-kn-knoww f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure, he stammered. A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was, Louis replied, W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten d-d-do-ll-ll-ar-ar-sss o-o-o-or wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-justl-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you? Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Advice needed.

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse. Then she took her panties out of her handbag and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouching behind my boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket? Please, any help would be appreciated, I plan to go fishing this weekend! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Weld it obviously Tangiers Orange - gone, missing her
Replaced by Ewok what a mistake - now a happy Disco Sport owner