A blind man was offered the choice between a seeing dog or cat,
He chose the cat because it was much cheaper,
Later on that day the Fire Brigade had to rescue the man from a tree.

Not a football fan, but found it funny.

A little late I know. For last Monday, the longest day ....

Barry Cryers favourite Norwegian joke (he doesn't do Irish jokes)
Two Norwegians discussing the Tour de France. One says "why do they do that, ride hundreds of miles up and down mountains on bicycles and knackering themselves?"
His mate said "well the winner gets a quarter of a million pounds"
He replies "fair enough, but why do all the others do it?"

Man in the restaurant when his mobile goes. Picks it up and says "hello, what? it's your birthday? I'm sorry I forgot. I do love you. What dress, the one you saw in the shop? Go ahead, buy it, charge it to my card. I love you. Happy birthday"
Puts the phone down. It rings again, he answers it.
"No love, I've apologised. A very happy birthday. What car? That Porsche we saw in the showroom? Of course, go ahead and charge it down to your loving husband"
He rings off. The phone goes again.
He picked it up, holds it high and calls out across the restaurant "Has anyone left their phone here?"

Jeff Bezos went up into outer space today in his own rocket - got there but no one was in

He was left with a neighbour.

J

Online sales of Olympic Games souvenirs and memorabilia have rocketed due to the pandemic. One chap bought some Olympic condoms which are made in gold, silver and bronze colours and he said to his wife, I think we will try gold tonight. She replied, Why don't you try silver and come second for a change?

Jimbo

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied,

"And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started.. MY 09 GS manual in Lago Grey, Wood Co arm rest and side bumper strips - now sold.

MY 15 SD4 SE Auto Orkney Grey with colour coded Bumper Door Mouldings

 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

on grave stones you can get QR code, which, on a website tells you about the person.

That's not a defender...

 Steve

2008 TD4 HSE Auto, Zermatt Silver

 driving on the right side

Apparently Van Gogh was Jewish . . . . . . doesn’t say much for his rabbi’s sense of direction