500,000 At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

A couple were deciding how to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. They didn't want a big do, just something quiet between themselves.

She said "Why not go to that restaurant where you took me when we first started courting, we've never been there since and it would be like the old times".

So off they went but it was quite difficult to find because everything had changed over the last 50 years. The quiet "B" road was now a busy dual carriageway and instead of being on the outskirts of town the restaurant was now in the middle of a large mix of urban and industrial sprawl.

The restaurant had changed too. It had the same name but it was no longer the greasy spoon joint it used to be and was now a large, glitzy restaurant with an amazing international menu.

In they went and had a nice meal and a glass of wine and were discussing their lives together over the last 50 years.

He said "Do you remember when we were last here and after the meal we went out the back to the car park and made love up against the fence?" "Well" he went on "What about doing it again for old times sake".

"You old devil" she replied "Well for old times sake and after that glass of wine, why not"

So out they went round the back to the car park but everything had changed. Instead of a patch of rough ground the surface was nice smooth tarmac and the old fence had been replaced with an 8 foot high security fence.

They found a secluded spot and before long got into action and once he got into his stride was going at it like a steam train on steroids.

After, she said "You old devil, that was just like I remember it 50 years ago when you were young, full of beans and athletic. I didn't know you still had it in you".

He replied "No nor did I, but 50 years ago that was not an electric fence!"



J

Like some forum members, a friend was contemplating a change of vehicle and called into the local Jeep showroom.
The salesman said before purchase some physical examinations would be required.
“Please remove your shirt”
“Why is that necessary?”
“Because I want to see if your arm muscles can cope with the heavy steering of a Jeep”

“Now can you take off your trousers so I can check if your legs are strong enough to use use a heavy clutch”

“Well, you pass those checks but one final check, please take off your boxer shorts”

“Oh dear, I see that you're circumcised”
“What difference does that make?”
“ Well Sir, only a complete pr*ck would want to buy a Jeep”


My apologies if variations of this joke has been shown before but I haven't had the time to go through all the past Humour pages 11 GS Bali Blue
07 GS FL2. Usually muddy. Gone
Numerous LRs since 1963

I guess the opposite would be a Bentley

The Harley-Davidson

A little 10-year-old girl was walking home alone from school one day when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, he turns to her and asks, "Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"

"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, "Hey little girl, I will give you £10 if you hop on the back."

"NO!" says the little girl as she hurries down the street.

The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says, "Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Quid' and' a Big Bag of sweets if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."

Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and screams,

"Look Dad, you’re the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley!

"YOU RIDE IT!"

And . . .

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? ' Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'

God said, 'Ah, yes.' 'Well,' said Arthur, professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention!

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

quite old now and may have been on here before but it still makes me laugh.

 Common sense isn't very common.
_______________________________
2007 Land Rover Freelander2 I6 hse Auto

plus this one

 Common sense isn't very common.
_______________________________
2007 Land Rover Freelander2 I6 hse Auto

My other half came across this while we were looking for fossils. She reckons it's from an as yet unknown species of dinosaur. Anyone know what dinosaur it's from??

Dickadockus! Common sense isn't very common.
_______________________________
2007 Land Rover Freelander2 I6 hse Auto

Definitely a penisaurus. To give it its full Latin name its a Penisaurus Giganticus. FL2 Metropolis, Loire Blue, ebony/ivory

Not sure that is the correct spelling, I think it could be Penissorearse Giganticus - or at least it would be if it went the wrong way!

J

madness
 At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

 Updated- Waiting for a Scotland v England 6 Nations home win. 24th Feb 2018
Gone-1972 88 SWB Soft top
Gone-1981 24v FFR Lightweight
Gone-2009 Freelander 2 TD4 GS manual
Gone before it bankrupted me- 2008 Discovery 3 TDV6 Auto
2013 Freelander 2 SD4 GS Auto

Nicola Strugeon has requested the Queen hands, all duties performed by the Duke of Edinburgh, to her !!

She must be desperate - she looks desperate. Surely the old sod is well past it!