If you haven't a sense of humour, look away now, get yourself a werthers and pop your zip up slippers on.






May contain hairs

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Be true to yourself. That way happiness lies...

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Be true to yourself. That way happiness lies...

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Be true to yourself. That way happiness lies...

First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind"
What's the problem?
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is."

One morning Father Christmas woke up with a terrible headache, but he knew he had to go to work as Christmas day was near. So he got out of bed and went downstairs for his breakfast. Unfortunately Mrs Father Christmas had not gone shopping the day before so there was nothing to eat.
So he put on his red robe hat and boots went outside and stepped into a deep snowdrift. In fact it was so deep it went over his boots and got his feet wet.
So instead of walking to the toy factory he pulled out his sleigh and rounded up the reindeer only to find on had a bad leg and so the others could not pull the sleigh by themselves. So he put the sleigh back and walked to the toy factory only to find all the elves had gone on strike.

Fed up he went home ,took off his outside clothes and settled down in front of the log fire. He had only just got settled when the doorbell rang. Who the devil is that he thought to himself. So he opened the front door to find a fairy standing there with a Christmas tree under her arm. Being fed up he told the fairy where she could shove it.

And that dear friends is why you always find fairies on the top of Christmas trees Ex 2010 Freelander2 GS-e Diesel manual Silver owner

A bad day at twerk

 Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

Couple of us were late back to school one lunchtime so headmasters study it was.
HM,why are you late Fisher? I've been up primrose hill sir.

Okay says HM ,whats your story young lady?

I'm Primrose Hill she replies. Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a United States Marine Corps General.

As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America ."

The General said,"Well, is there anything I can do to help?"

The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called 'Star Trek' and in it there is... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on 'Star Trek'.

"The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered in his ear,


"That's because it takes place in the future..."

A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed.

She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home.
He didn't believe her, so she said:

"Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden.
I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:

"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that
she was really generously endowed in the hair department.....very generously indeed.

The girl finished her bath and went to bed.

Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."

"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"

^  LL.B (Hons) - University of Derby
LOT (Lord of Time) - University of Gallifrey

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"


The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

Kid says, "$101,237.64."

Boss says, "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing" Ex 2010 Freelander2 GS-e Diesel manual Silver owner

Sad News - the guy who invented predictive text has passed away

His funfair will be hello on Sundial