> New Password
> >> Computer: Your password has expired. You must register a new one.
> >>
> >> User: Did anyone discover my password and hack my computer?
> >>
> >> Computer: Your password has expired. You must get a new one.
> >>
> >> User: Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working
> >> pretty good?
> >>
> >> Computer: They automatically expire every 30 days.
> >>
> >> User: Can I use the old one and just re-register it?
> >>
> >> Computer: You must get a new one.
> >>
> >> User: I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to
> >> remember.
> >>
> >> Computer: You must get a new one.
> >>
> >> User: OK,
> >>
> >> roses
> >>
> >> Computer: You must use more letters.
> >>
> >> User: OK,
> >>
> >> pretty roses
> >>
> >> Computer: You must use at least one numeric character.
> >>
> >> User: OK,
> >>
> >> 1 pretty rose
> >>
> >> Computer: You cannot use blank spaces.
> >>
> >> User: OK,
> >>
> >> 1prettyrose
> >>
> >> Computer: You must use additional characters.
> >>
> >> User: OK,
> >>
> >> :censored:
> >>
> >> Computer: You must use at least one capital letter.
> >>
> >> User: OK,
> >>
> >> :censored:
> >>
> >> Computer: You cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.
> >>
> >> User: OK,
> >>
> >> :censored:
> >>
> >> Computer: You need additional characters.
> >>
> >> User: OK,
> >>
> >> 1F**KINGprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightf**kingnow
> >> w
> >>
> >> Computer: You cannot use that password as it is already being used. Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

Following on from the Veet review,

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-S...tag=vig-20 p****d off with a Digital Keyboard Warrior

Fantastic review !  _________________
Gone - 2010 Rimini XS

Quote:

Was this review helpful to you?

Oh yes, it was

That frozen look of fear when driving with a woman....

Click image to enlarge

Q:HOW MANY SURREALISTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB

A: A FISH

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!

> Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
> Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
> Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
> Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Samsung Electronics
> Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
> Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
> Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
> Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> RAC Motoring Services
> Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
> Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
> 'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Directory Enquiries
> Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
> Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
> Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
> Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
> Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland'.
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
> 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
> Customer: 'OK'.
> Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
> Customer: 'No'.
> Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
> Customer: 'No'.
> Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
> Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
> Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------
> There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
> Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
>
> Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
> Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
> Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
> Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
> Operator: 'Went away?'
> Caller: 'They disappeared.'
> Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
> Caller: 'Nothing.'
> Operator: 'Nothing??'
> Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
> Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
> Caller: 'How do I tell?'
> Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
> Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
> Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
> Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
> Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
> Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
> Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
> Caller: 'I don't know.'
> Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
> Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
> Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
> Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
> Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
> Caller: 'No.'
> Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
> Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
> Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
> Caller: 'I can't reach.'
> Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
> Caller: 'No.'
> Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
> Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
> Operator: 'Dark??'
> Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
> ' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
> Caller: 'I can't.'
> Operator: 'No? Why not??'
> Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
> Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
> Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
> Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
> Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
> Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
> Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
> Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
> Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'


Bill T Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

Brilliant Bill  LL.B (Hons) - University of Derby
LOT (Lord of Time) - University of Gallifrey

Worked in a tech support call centre for years, the one that always made me smile is when folk called to say they could not find the 'any' key

Or when installing stuff, they would often ask how many percent does it go up to!

Happy days.....  MY2014 SD4 XS
Ipanema Sand

MY10 TD4-e GS Manual
Lago Grey Now retired after 8 trouble free years

A policeman searched me in a Nightclub toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs.

"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again."

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed.

I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!"


"Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag.

After flushing them, he looked at me and said, "Well, show me your pocket then."

"What for?" I asked.

He said, "The drugs."

I said, "What drugs?"

Bill T. Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

A starving asylum seeker is greeted at Dover by a good fairy who grants him 3 wishes, he says "I'm hungry!" POW! A huge banquet appears, he says "I want a huge mansion with a swimming pool" POW! One appears, "and for my final wish, I want to be British." POW! The mansion, the banquet, everything vanishes, he asks "where's everything gone?" The fairy replies, "you're British now mate, you're entitled to f**k all!"


Bill T Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

Brilliant   MY2014 SD4 XS
Ipanema Sand

MY10 TD4-e GS Manual
Lago Grey Now retired after 8 trouble free years

Truer words were never spoken Bill  LL.B (Hons) - University of Derby
LOT (Lord of Time) - University of Gallifrey

A rugby league fan is drinking in a Lancashire bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, 'That's about average in Yorkshire ... like I said, my boy's a typical Yorkshire baby boy. "I use text speak because I'm special" be a rugby league player.'
Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of 'WOW!' One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, Say, aren't you the father of that typical Yorkshire baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth?
Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?'

The proud father answers, 'Twenty pounds.'
The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. 'What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!'

The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Beer wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,

'Had him circumcised...'

Bill Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

A farmer, knocking on his neighbor's front door....
A boy of about nine years opens. Farmer asks:
- Is your father home?
The kid replies:
- No, Mom and Dad are in town!
- What about your brother Howard. Is he home?
- No, he's out with mom and dad!
Farmer swaying uneasily from one foot to another.
The kid is trying to help:
- If you need to borrow a tool, I can give you, I know where everything is. Or maybe you want to give my dad a call ...
Farmer's obviously embarrassed:
- You know ... it's that your brother, Howard, left my daughter Susie pregnant...
The boy stands for a moment in thought, then says:
- Yes, I think it's better to talk to my dad. I know that he receives 550 pounds for the bull and 150 pounds for the boar, but I don't know how much will charge you for Howard!