During the recent cold spell, wife txt's husband 'Windows frozen'.
Husband replied 'Pour some lukewarm water over it'.
Wife replies sometime later 'Computer's really f ed now'. Another member of the failed FL2 clutch/DMF club, twice.

 ...

Be true to yourself. That way happiness lies...

Because I want to wish you all a happy and most importantly safe Holiday season, I would like to share a personal experience with my closest friends about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the occasional social session - especially during the Holidays. A couple of nights ago I was out for an evening with friends, and had a couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine.
Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before. I took a cab home. And wouldn't you just know it - on the way home I passed a police road block but, since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident - which was a real surprise because I have never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it's in my garage.
Be careful out there. At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

A cop was staking out our local hotel for bikers riding drunk.
At closing time, he sees a biker stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and fumble for his keys for five minutes.
When he finally gets on the bike, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition.
Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and rides off.
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test.
The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0!
The cop says, "How is this possible?"
The guy laughs and says, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." Everyone can spread it - Anyone can catch it. Stay home - the life you save can be your own!

Irish fellow (no offence intended) driving at 120 mph on the M6 straggeling two lanes.
PC plod pulls him over.
'What speed were you doing'?
'Flat out, 120 or so' says Paddy.
'And straggeling two lanes'? asks Plod.
'Yep' says Paddy.
'Both serious offences' says Plod.
'Really'? says Paddy. 'My licence clearly states 'Tear down dotted line'.

I'll get me coat. Another member of the failed FL2 clutch/DMF club, twice.

Brummie walks into a tailors...

"Alroit, mate. I'd like a 70s suit, please."

The tailor says, "Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?"

Brummie says, "Thanks mate, two sugars please."  Another member of the failed FL2 clutch/DMF club, twice.

 2013 RR Evoque Pure Tech
2012 TD4 GS Auto Orkney Grey - gone

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ................. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...

A gentleman is removed from the casino by security after totally misunderstanding what the craps table is for  60 plate SD4 XS, Stornoway Grey, Arm rest pack

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ly--gT1RJdk

1. New German Parking System
2. Advanced Spanish System

The later much better even than FL2's... (rain or not)...

The Spanish one is ace......

http://farmingforum.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=78746 At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

What you think of my new Tattoo

 Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

Over the last month or so I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Sainsbury’s for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience.

Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:
...

Two seriously good-looking voluptuous 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another supermarket store, in my case, Tesco’s.

You agree and they both get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately, and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!

I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also November 1st, 4th, 6th, 10th and 13th. Twice yesterday.

So please warn all the men you know to be on the lookout for this scam.

The best times are just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.

P.S. Aldi have wallets on sale for £1.99 each but Lidl are £1.75 and look better