Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

JST wrote:

An American fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane, both with
A machine gunner on board. Sensing danger he shot them down.
Back at base he got a right Telling off. Apparently they were Allied Carpets.
..... .. . . . . . . . . . ..

I was driving to work this morning when I saw an R.A.C van parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself that guys heading for a breakdown?.
. . . .. . . . . .. . . . ..

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign saying “English speaking Doctor”.
I thought, What a good idea, why don’t w e have them in our country.?
. . . .. . . . . . . . . ...
The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife.
"Is this your wife sir?" said the officer.
"Yes it is", I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer.
"I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!"
. . . . . . . . . . . . ..

Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15. Called down to the wife and got no answer.
Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was, face down on the floor... Dead!
At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes...
Then a moment of pure inspiration... McDonalds do Breakfast until 10:30!
. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Two women were talking.. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex?"
"I did once & he looked really angry."
"Why angry?"
Because he was watching through the window.
. . . . . . . . . . . . ..

Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear.
Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half.
It was only when I got to the very top I realised I was still on the bus home.
. . . . . .. . . . . . . .

The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind.
The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis!
. . . . . . . . . . . . .

My daughter just walked into the living room and said, "Dad cancel my allowance, rent my room out, throw a ll my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone and jewellery to the charity shop. Sell my car, take my front door key and throw me out of the house".
Well, she didn't exactly put it like that. Actually what she said was, "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohammed."

Iain

chicken george wrote:

To commemorate Kate Middleton's topless photos Royal Doulton are releasing a pair of small jugs...

The jugs haven't been released yet  ______________________
2011 Full Fat RR 4.4 TDV8
2012 FL2 SD4 Auto HSE
2013 Kawasaki Versys 650

Iain Googles search is your friend

But your not missing much, not unless blurred, 200% cropped Images from 1.5km away are your thing,  Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

npinks wrote:

Iain Googles search is your friend

But your not missing much, not unless blurred, 200% cropped Images from 1.5km away are your thing,

so I am a bit sad

Iain

The bear buys a brand new Ferrari. While taking a stroll in the woods, he meets the rabbit.
- Bugs, wanna show you that I can do 200 mph and then stop one inch from the precipice?
The rabbit, amateur of intense sensations, accepts.
The bear then accelerates, 50, 100, 150, 200 and stops at 1 inch from the precipice.
The bear asks:
- You peed on yourself?
- Yes, said the rabbit... All wet! Can I try, too?
- Yes, said the bear.
The rabbit switches places with the bear and accelerates.
50, 100, 150, 200, 250... and asks the bear:
- Well, did you peed yourself?
- Yeah, I'm all wet says the bear, pretty scared......
- Well, you can shìt yourself too, because I cant reach the brakes!

The next generation.... (look what he has in his hands)

iPriest...

Click image to enlarge

I met a chicken farmer the other day.I said to him, "If I can guess roughly how many chickens you have on your farm, can I keep one?""Ok. You're on!" he replied, "And if you guess the exact number I'll give you both of them."

alex_pescaru wrote:

The next generation.... (look what he has in his hands)

iPriest...

Click image to enlarge

*The US Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early
retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for
Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line
between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those
two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of
his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked
out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked
Out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who,
when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of
my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had
received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with
him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,'
which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of
the Chief's weenie and began to*
*work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed, ''Where are your
testicles?''


*
*The old Chief calmly replied,
'' Vietnam. "* John
07 HSE Narvick Black
Land Rover Series One
Triumph Rocket 111 (sadly gone!)

I got in touch with my inner self today



that`s the last time I use cheap toilet paper At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

After all the trouble with Jimmy Saville, someone at the BBC as now reported seeing Rod Hull fisting a young bird Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

Jimmy Savilles relatives want to know "why are you bringing it up "now then" ""now then"? Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

Taken from Richard Osman’s ‘Geek Word Quiz 3’ the answer to each of the following clues is a city in the UK and most are puns so dreadful he gave them a health warning:

1. ORGAN BANK
2. JAMIE'S FEELING BETTER
3. COCKNEY CHANCELLOR
4. TIME TO MOVE ON TO E
5. TWO CLUES
6. BURIED S
7. WHAT I DID AFTER I GAVE HER AN UNDERCOAT
8. THE RESULT OF A CHINESE BURN
9. THIS CITY WON THE NEXT ONE
10. THIS CITY WAS WON BY THE LAST ONE At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race