"I'm sorry that I was cheating on you", my wife said to me, "but you know how it is ... time heals all".
"How ironic..." I answered, while I smashed the cuckoo clock on her head...

 At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

SCHOOL - 1957 vs. 2012


Scenario :
Johnny and Mark get into a fight after school.

1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends.

2012 - Police called, arrest Johnny and Mark.. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. Both children go to anger management programs for 3 months. School governors hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programmes. Marks's parents engage no win no fee lawyer, Johnny's parents lose house and have to go on benefits.

Scenario :
Robbie won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1957 - Robbie sent to office and given 6 of the best by the deputy head teacher. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2012 - Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADHD. Robbie's parents get fortnightly disability payments and School gets extra funding from government because Robbie has a disability.

Scenario :
Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2012 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to residential care and joins a gang, returns home after 3 years and murders neighbour.

Scenario :
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 - Mark gets water from school nurse who tells him to take two tablets before lunch if he feels no better.

2012 - Police called, Mark "Tasered" then strip searched, cautioned for "Supply" then expelled from school for breaking zero tolerance drug policy. School has not employed a Nurse since 1978 when she was sacked to provide funds for an "Ethnic Diversity and Sexuality" co-ordinator.


Scenario :
Johnny takes apart left over fireworks from Guy Fawkes night, puts them in a paint tin & blows up a wasp's nest.

1957 - Wasps die. Bloke on allotment gives him half a crown for removing wasps

2012- Special Branch called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, he disappears believed to be sent to Gauntanamo Bay. MI6 investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. RSPCA still have outstanding case for cruelty to wasps should Johnny ever return intact.

Scenario :
Johnny falls while running during morning break and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary . Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2012 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator by Daily Mail and loses her job. She now faces 3 years in prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy and comes away from it preferring boys..... 2009 GS Auto Zermatt Silver - Sold June 21 after 10 years of ownership

2016 Subaru Outback SE 2.0 diesel SE Premium Lineartronic Sold 2024 after 8 years and 80k miles . Best Car I ever owned !

2023 Toyota Hilux invincible X 2.8 Auto .

The peculiarity is that female eyes are able to see a hair on her husband's jacket from five meters, but are not able to see the garage door at one meter...

Nice fun with a VW...

Status on Facebook:
"Man, 30 years seek sex"
Now I wonder: does he have problems with punctuation or it's really a tragedy?...


Psychology professor explains:
- The best way to save a woman from depression is sex.
A student asks:
- Professor, and how to lead a woman to depression?


One of my nipples is slightly larger than the other two...
Someone knows if this is normal?



"Playboy" plans to launch a new magazine for married men.
Every month on the first page will be one and the same woman

Just back from a holiday in Thailand,where i came so close to shagging a ladyboy. Walked like a lady, talked like a lady, kissed like a lady.
It was when she drove me back to her place and reversed her car into a parking space first time. I thought F*****g hang on...

Says it all really



Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated

A limp wristed gentleman (a nice boy) is diving his car when the engine suddenly stops.
He calls out the AA who fix the car in a few minutes.

The limp wristed gentleman then tells the AA chap that he can tell the make of any car by the key alone and offers the AA chap £500 if he fails to do so.

'You can tell any car just by looking at the key'? asks the AA chap. 'Not quite' says the limp wristed gentleman, 'you have to insert it in my bottom'.

'OK', says the AA chap, 'lets nip round the back of my van, i've got hundreds of car keys'.

And so they begin with the first key, 'whats that one then' asks the AA chap. 'It's a 2002MY Mini' came the reply. This went on until the AA chap began to run out of patience as he couldn't catch him out. The AA chap then tried a key from a vintage car, 'what's this one then?' he asks. 'Ooo' came the reply 'it's a 1939 Alvis drophead'.

By this time the AA chap is fumimg and after rummaging in the back of his van, he finds an old spark plug and tries that.
'What's this one then eh'? asks the AA chap.

Came the reply 'OOohh, thats Champion!!'. Another member of the failed FL2 clutch/DMF club, twice.

 2013 RR Evoque Pure Tech
2012 TD4 GS Auto Orkney Grey - gone

VEET for men, go to the link, scroll down and read the reviews, brilliant

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Hair-Removal-...=1-1-spell

I was laughing so much I could hardly read it!  10MY (Sept 09) TD4 HSE Auto in Stornoway Grey (Now Gone)

08 FL2 TD4 SE Manual in Rimini Red (Now Gone)

So can we assume then Taz you won't be purchasing

I wonder if VEET is any good for chrome a e pieces? 2013 RR Evoque Pure Tech
2012 TD4 GS Auto Orkney Grey - gone