My wife has just seriously fallen out with me.
Last weekend we both went to an insomniacs conference and she caught me not sleeping with somebody else.

Two Dyslexic men sat in a car, one says to the other "Can you smell petrol?"

2nd man replies "Smell Petrol? I can't even smell my f ing name!!!!!" Baltic blue XS - Alpaca Leather - 18" HSE wheels.

An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her

boyfriend, urgently warning her, 'Cuddles, I just heard on the news that

there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!'

'It's not just one car!' said the Essex girl, 'There's f* hundreds of them!'




What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's

What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.

The last time Iceland had a crash like this aisle three was closed all day.

What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common? They both have frozen assets

This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.





A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted a man standing alone. She approached him.

'My name is Carmen,' she told him.

'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'

'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men. What's your name?'

He replied, 'B. J. Titsengolf. At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

Some belters there

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's,
so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean
but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother ,

'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.' FL2 TD4 XS Santorini

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7685540.stm
 07 Fl2 GS
88 Galv chassis Landy 110 double cab

The words "lard Arse" spring to mind  ______________________
2011 Full Fat RR 4.4 TDV8
2012 FL2 SD4 Auto HSE
2013 Kawasaki Versys 650

came across this chap over on a Disco3 thread

http://www.webtvhub.com/beatbox-mix-video-...n-diaries/


Great bit of beatbox cooking  Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man
who shot President Reagan in the early 1980s. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster to the point that to make himself well known to her, he
attempted to assassinate President Reagan.

There is speculation Hinckley may
soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you may appreciate the following letter from John McCain that the staff at the mental facility, treating Hinckley, reports to have intercepted this past weekend:

To: John Hinckley

From: John McCain

My wife and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our fine country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout.

My wife Cindy and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your
family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.

Best Wishes,

John and Cindy McCain

PS: Barack Obama has been the out of Jodie Foster. Thought you should know. At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

Q: What is the only thing worse than a male chauvenist pig?

A: A woman that won't do what she is told!

A guy comes home from work early and hears noises coming from his bedroom, when he opens the door his wife is laying naked on the bed puffing and panting with a red face, she was holding her arm across her chest.
"Whats going on ?" the man asks.
"O my god I think I'm having a heart attack" says the wife.
At that moment his son bursts in the room and says "uncle tommy is in my wardrobe with no clothes on".
"dont be stupid" says the dad "hes at work".
With that he runs downstairs and starts to ring for an ambulance. The son says again "honest dad come and look!.
The dad follows the boy to his room and opens the wardobe door and finds his brother standing there naked!
"Jesus Tommy are you thick the wifes having a heart attack next door and your hiding in the wardrobe scarring the kids"!!! At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a cheque for £50.

At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.

The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in Her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to The bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When they went downstairs, the blonde fixed him a full English breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with freshly squeezed orange juice. As she was pouring him a cup of steaming coffee, he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cup.

'All this was just too wonderful for words,' he said, 'but what's the five quid for?'

'Well,' said the dumb blonde, 'Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special
for you. I asked him what I should give you'.

He said, 'F**k him. Give him a fiver.'

She smiled shyly and said, 'The breakfast was my idea.

Straight from the Ministry of Funny Walks

http://www.foddy.net/Athletics.html Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

I can only make him do the splits..

i think mines been drinking all the way to 5.8m

How i here you ask, well the answer is I don't know he just fell that far  Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis