During some excavation work, a team of Israeli archaeologists discovered a previously undetected cave. They were very excited because the following five symbols were carved on one wall of the cave:

A woman
A donkey
A shovel
A fish
A Star of David

The archaeologists declared this a unique find. The carvings were thought to be at least three thousand years old. They carefully cut out the piece of stone holding the symbols and sent it in to the Tel Aviv Museum. Soon, archaeologists from all over the world were invited to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The chairman opened the meeting by pointing to the first symbol and saying:

"We can judge from the first symbol that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell that they were smart enough to train donkeys to help them till the soil. The shovel symbol means they had tools to work with. Their intelligence is highlighted by the fish, which means that when their crops failed, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol means they were evidently Hebrew."

The audience applauded enthusiastically. Suddenly, a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said,

"Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. This is what it says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Woman.'


Bill T. Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

good work Bill, keep em coming

The mother-in-law dropped in after shopping to find her son-in-law angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened?" she asked anxiously.

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife --- your daughter --- telling her I was coming home a day early from my fishing trip. I got home ...and guess what I found? Your daughter, Jean, in bed with a naked guy! This is unforgiveable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Calm down, calm down!" said his mother-in-law. "There’s something very odd about that. Jean would never do such a thing. There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her and find out what happened."

A few minutes later, the mother-in-law came back with a big smile and said, "I told you there must be a simple explanation - she didn't receive your email."

The Pope has finally lifted the ban on condoms but further training is required!

A Yorkshire lass walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?"

"Yes" she said, "A fella’s just dragged me into a bush and had his way wi’ mee."

"Can you describe the man?” Asked the Sergeant

"Yes, he wa’ wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two rate big pads from his feet up to and ower his knees, one on each leg".

"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant.

"Eye, I reckon", said the lady, "He were likely an Australian Cricketer".

"That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?"

"No", she replied. "I worked it out ‘cause he weren't in for very long".

Bill T Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

Not a joke but I thought it was funny ,

When visiting my mum in hospital a couple of years ago ( she was 85 ) she said the feller next room is quite fit for his age , he reminds me of that fella off ebay .
I questioned her as to what she meant and she kept saying you know that fella off ebay hassle something , I bust out laughing and said do you mean Baywatch .
Thats it she said



Bill T

Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated :mrgreen:  Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

An innocent young couple fall very much in love and the boy finally asks for her hand in marriage.
The girl breaks down crying and confesses that she had hormone problems as a young girl and never developed breasts.
The young man gently reassures her that he still loves her and breasts are not everything.
As a matter of fact he says I also had hormone problems as a boy, waving his past his groin he says I’m like and infant down there.
The girl hugs him and says there still in love and they will overcome and physical problems.
The wedding is a great success and they arrive at their honeymoon destination.
The new bride has a quick shower and emerges from the bathroom in a slinky nighty but it’s obvious she has no breasts.
The groom then showers and emerges with just a towel around his waist, she smiles at him and he flicks the knot on the towel and it drops to the floor, the girl takes one look and starts screaming AAARRRGGGHH what, what’s that AAARRRGGGHHH you said you were like and infant down there, well I am says the groom 8 lbs 7 ounces and 19 inches long.

Subject: Insurance

A man and his wife moved back home to Yorkshire , from Cornwall.

The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Cornwall was £500 a year!

When they arrived in Yorkshire they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '£39.00.'

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Yorkshire to insure, because it cost him £500 in Cornwall!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen,it says:

*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is £39.00.*'

Pegleg partying with his new neighbours ?

Click image to enlarge

Click image to enlarge

[img]http://thefarmingforum.co.uk/index.php?attachments/traffic-jpg.9650/[/img]

http://thefarmingforum.co.uk/index.php?att...-jpg.9650/ At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

Just says we have to be logged in to see it, CG.

in short traffic wardens funeral
banging from coffin, let me out im not dead

vicar,, sorry mate but ive done the paperwork At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

Before surgery, the dentist asks the patient:
- Do you want some helium?
- It'll easy up the pain?
- Nope, but it'll be more fun when you'll be yelling....