Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist in a general store,
"Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies, "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?”

Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs.
Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth.
Police say the dangerous practice is called "E by gum"

A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us"

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and, as it was a favourite pet,he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No, yer daft , I want it chewin' a bone!" Kola is the big solid black German Shepherd, Dobbie is.......a breed you've never heard of......yet;)

Racist  At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

An earthquake measuring 8.2 on the Richter Scale hit Boston, Lincs today. It flattened several city blocks causing at least £25 worth of damage.  2013 RR Evoque Pure Tech
2012 TD4 GS Auto Orkney Grey - gone

Touche!

"Flattened Boston" ??? How would we notice?  Kola is the big solid black German Shepherd, Dobbie is.......a breed you've never heard of......yet;)

This guy not only has too much time on his hands, he is warped!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/cdp/member-reviews/AXKUTIOFEO5KN/ 10MY (Sept 09) TD4 HSE Auto in Stornoway Grey (Now Gone)

08 FL2 TD4 SE Manual in Rimini Red (Now Gone)

Not something you would hear everyday.

My new job as a street litter collector is going well, I am picking it up as I go along ..

Bill T. Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

Advantages of Breast Milk

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."

What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

He received an A.

Bill T Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

A pretty young gypsy girl knocked on my door and asked if I had any old clothing. I said
Yes but what would I get in return. She said I could play with her breasts.
I thought...That's Fair....Tit for Tat.
-----------------------------------------------
I'm in trouble with the wife. We were in bed naked and she asked what
I would like to do most with her body.
Apparently "Identify it" wasn't the right answer.
---------------------------------------------------------------
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were
going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough....once she killed
herself I started to feel a lot better.
So I thought... Sod it....soldier on.
---------------------------------------------------
Just said to the missus..."Hey fat gut..what do you want for Valentines Day"
She said "Don't get f*cking lippy"
I said "Mascara it is then!"
--------------------------------------------------
I woke up this morning at 8 and could smell something was wrong. I got
downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!.
I panicked. I didn't know what to do....................
Then I remembered Wetherspoons serve breakfast until 11.30.
-------------------------------------------
Man shagging 30 stone woman. He says "Can we have the light switched off?"
She said "Why? Do you find me repulsive?"
He said " No....it's burning my arse".
--------------------------------------------------------------
You won't hear from me for a while mate.
Being investigated for stealing swimming pool inflatables.......
I gotta lilo.
---------------------------------------------------------------
News just in....There's a female ref for the United v City match.
The kick off has been put back an hour so she can park her car.
-----------------------------------------------
Paddy got a letter in the post this morning. It landed on the floor, says
on the envelope DO NOT BEND. He's still wondering how to pick it up!

Good one.

The Arabs face in this is hilarious and the other participant have the couple of nice benefits too

&feature=youtube_gdata_player Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

^^ priceless.....I recall back in the late 80's being a passenger in a Montego MG Turbo for the first time, and when we left an Escort RS Turbo SII for dead, my face was probably not dis-similar to his! Foraging near Gaydon....
——————————————
MY13 HSE Lux SD4, Baltic Blue - current, 30,000> miles without fault
MY12 HSE 2.2 SD4, Sumatra Black - gone after 10 months/43,000 fault-free miles

If you search, there is an uncut version of the very last one.  2013 RR Evoque Pure Tech
2012 TD4 GS Auto Orkney Grey - gone