chicken george wrote:

not funny

OK, maybe my english wasn't as good...
It's about the fact that because of the lady's expenses (clothes, shoes, makeups, etc) the money aren't enough anymore to support the family...
How do you spell that?

I am remembering quite well somebody's remarks:
The manual is very quick, when Mrs ... is on the way to the sales

alex_pescaru wrote:

chicken george wrote:

not funny

OK, maybe my english wasn't as good...
It's about the fact that because of the lady's expenses (clothes, shoes, makeups, etc) the money aren't enough anymore to support the family...
How do you spell that?

I am remembering quite well somebody's remarks:
The manual is very quick, when Mrs ... is on the way to the sales

Your english was spot on, CG was merely saying not funny as he is experiencing the same symptons ! 

yes funny joke, bad reality  At work
At home

"I can't always believe facts I read on the web" - Charles Dickens

winner by default of the tractor vs caravan race

A guy is seeing a gorila in a tree in front of his house.
He calls the authorities and is told that in a few minutes someone will come to take care of the problem.
After half a hour the specialist appears in a truck, with a bat, some handcuffs, a gun and a Chihuahua dog.
He tells the man:
- Now let me explain how it will be done: I climb into the tree, hit the monkey in the head with the bat, the monkey falls off the tree, the dog jumps and bites his balls, the monkey, in a desperate gesture, put its hands at its balls and then, you could easily handcuff the monkey.
- But what about the gun?
- If I fall first, shoot the Chihuahua!

In the past, the knights had to kill the dragon to win virgins' heart.
Today, the virgins being virtualy non-existent, men are marrying the dragon ...

--------------

My dear, soon we'll be three ...
- That's good news! he replies, kissing her.
- My mom got a divorce and comes to live with us ...

--------------

- How can you tell if your cow has mad cow's disease?
- Go with the cow on the field. Normal cows eat the grass. Mad cows smoke it.

--------------

John is in bed with his mistress. Suddenly, they are hearing the front door key. Desperate, John hides in the wardrobe.
Mistress' husband enters the room and sees her sleeping. In the silence of the room, he hears a noise in wardrobe.
The man opens the wardrobe, sees John naked and freezes surprised.
- What are you looking at, say John, you've never seen a moth?

In a train station, a man is carrying two babies, one under each arm.
A woman is passing by him and says:
- They are so cute ... which are their names?
- Don't know.
- Guys? ... Girls? ...
- Beats me.
- What kind of father are you? ...
- I am not their father lady. I am only a condom salesman and these are two complaints...

F. F. S. Someone have a word

For someone from Blackpool I'd have thought that sort of humour was right up you street, or at least splashed down your front  

There jokes not 'Kiss Me Quick' hats  Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

When I was younger I hated going to weddings. My aunts and old acquaintances came to me, pinched my cheek and said laughing:
- You'll follow now.
They finished with this when I started doing the same thing at funerals with them.

A guy comes to a center of tattoos:
- I want to do me a tattoo ...
- Anything, anywhere, without any problem! replies the guy at the desk.
- OK! Great! I want tattooed a Porsche on my dick!
- No problem! but ... can I dare to give you a hint ...
- What?
- Come back with your girlfriend and I will tatoo a garage on her pussy... see the connection ?!... Porsche gets directly into the garage!
- It would be cool, but ... you see, there is a small problem ... I do not like women ... I like men ...
- No problem then, replies the tatoo guy, I will tatoo free of charge a tractor on your balls!
- A tractor on my balls? What's the connection?
- For towing your Porsche out of the ...

 Former Mod/Member, with the most post & Chicken George Arch nemesis

Two farmers are talking:
- My farm is so big that it takes a full day to travel by car from one side to another? What about that?
- I too had once a broken car like that, quickly replies the other farmer.

Ten ways to get rid of depression:

1. Drive your car. Park on the roadside, put your sunglasses and bring out the window a hairdryer. Point it to the cars coming from the front. Now count the drivers that are braking hard in front of you...
2. Recharge your office's coffee machine with decaffeinated coffee for three weeks. When everyone will get rid of coffee addiction, change it back to espresso...
3. If you remove money from your bank, at the "Purpose" field write "for dope"...
4. When you are on a corridor, jump in one leg. Then try to count how many people look at strangely...
5. If you are at the restaurant and want to order something, ask for "diet still water"...
6. Call your friends five days before you go to a party and tell them that you could not attend because of a headache...
7. After you remove money from the ATM, yell as loud as possible "I won! I won !"...
8. If you are the zoo, suddenly run towards the car park, yelling out loud with a terrified face "Save yourself! All animals have escaped!"...
9. If you have children, at the dinner table, tell them that because the recession you will have to give them up...
10. In pharmacy, buy a box of condoms and then ask the pharmacist where is the fitting room...

A woman was pregnant with triplets. One day she decided to go for a walk when she was shot in the stomach.

The Doctor said the children would be fine but operating would be too risky and so left the bullets in.

It was sixteen years later when one of her girls came down and said when she went for a pee out came a bullet, so the mum explained the story.

A bit later her second daughter came down and said when she went for a pee out came a bullet, so for the second time she explained the story.

All of a sudden her son came down in a right state. His mum turned around and said "Don't tell me: you went to the toilet and out came a bullet".

He then turned back and said "No, I farted and I shot the dog!"

 LL.B (Hons) - University of Derby
LOT (Lord of Time) - University of Gallifrey