Politicians can scratch all their fleas off in parliament without defamation. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer. One of the guys remarks to the other, "Boy you look really tired!" His friend replies, "Dude, I'm exhausted, my girlfriend wants sex all the time! three, four sometimes even six times a night! She wakes me up at all hours. I just don't know what to do!" A fellow, in his seventies is sitting a few bar stools down from them overhears their conversation. He looked over at the two men, and showing the wisdom of his age says, "Marry her. That'll put an end to that nonsense!" Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Lightwater wrote:

Politicians can scratch all their fleas off in parliament without defamation.

Paddy is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks him, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
Paddy shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him back and asks, 'Brother, have you found Jesus?'
Paddy replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus!'
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks, 'Have you found Jesus, me brother?'
Paddy answers, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus!'
By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk Paddy again... but this time holds him down for a good 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks him, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'
Paddy staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher,
'Are you sure this is where he fell in?' Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

I really wonder why I spent a sh_t load of money on metric & imperial spanners. I should also have two seperate tool boxes to organise things.

Completely forgot I had this spanner, found it at the bottom of the toolbox.



This brilliant design has the most useful range of metric & imperial sizes in one simple tool. It is also 'Drop Forged made in China' stamped on the other side. The West just can't compete with this sort of technical innovation.

Click image to enlarge

Can you get a stubby version, handy for those tight situations

The family were sitting down for Sunday lunch but for a change from the usual lamb or beef the choice was venison, so mother said to the two children guess what the meat is today, the brother and sister looked at the meat and discussed together what it could be but couldn't guess what it was, so mother gave them a clue, "it's what mummy calls daddy sometimes". the children looked at each other puzzled, then suddenly the boy said to his sister, " don't touch it, it's a f**king ars*ole . my PC is slightly to the right of Genghis
2012 HSE SD4 In Orkney Grey now gone, best car ever.

Lightwater wrote:

I really wonder why I spent a sh_t load of money on metric & imperial spanners. I should also have two seperate tool boxes to organise things.

Completely forgot I had this spanner, found it at the bottom of the toolbox.



This brilliant design has the most useful range of metric & imperial sizes in one simple tool. It is also 'Drop Forged made in China' stamped on the other side. The West just can't compete with this sort of technical innovation.

Click image to enlarge

We had a young apprentice come into our workshop asking for help.
He had a problem with an item which once explained I pointed out that as the item was old all the nuts and bolts would be imperial.
I told him he was in luck as although I hadn't any imperial spanners anymore I had kept hold of an imperial shifter.
I then pulled out two shifters from my tool bag, the first one I said "nah, you don't want that one as it's metric."
I then handed him the other and said "that's the one you want, that's imperial!"

Off he went, he told the guy's he was working with how lucky they were and repeated to them what I had said.

That would be the tri-star tool, very rare. Never seen one myself, it was later replaced with adaptor set, which was actually easier to use in tighter situations, but it was a bit more fiddly. Actually there was an adaptor set for each end of the metric imperial spanner, so you could have multiple options at any one time. But not ideal when so many standards were used on one job (a bit like all the different rail gauges in Australia)! Not to forget the not so elegant adaptor for the larger Whitworth head. There was a special adaptor for the extra fine pitch threads. When you turned the spanner the drive turned at 1:2 ratio so you could tighten up those threads actually a fair bit quicker than a course thread. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Nice set of dentures, pity they missed the bottom set ! 2013 FL2 XS.
Defender 90 300 TDi.
Defender 90 300 TDi CSW.
1964 MGB Roadster.
1944 Willys MB "Jeep" with bullet holes. (gone)
17 hand Irish Drought Thoroughbred (mostly lame)
Nagging Old Boiler.

 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Two Glasgow boys, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding.
Aye, its all going like magic, says Jock.
I've got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.
Archie nods approvingly.
Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in! continues Jock. A kilt? exclaims Archie, That's grand, you'll look pure smart in that! And what's the tartan?
Ach, says Jock, I imagine she'll be in white. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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