Okay, I admit it, although born in London, I have lived in the Highlands of Scotland over 30 years. My wife is an Invernesian or Gudgy Coff as they say up here.

I've lived in Easter Ross, Dingwall, the Isle of Harris, Strontian, Fort William and the Black Isle. I know all the Highlands very well including Skye and the Outer Hebridies, Wester Ross, Sutherland and Caithness.

Also know Oban, Aviemore etc. etc. l suppose we get used to the wildlife and looking out of the window and seeing a 3,000 ft hill covered in snow most of the year and Ospreys and Golden Eagles hovering above the garden. Even had bats come down the chimney and hang upside down on the curtains, which freaked the wife out, but not so much as the soot they managed to spinkle over the cream couch.

Yep, tell me exactly where you'd like to go and I'll point out where you should visit, depending on what sort of thing you like. The dreaded midges don't kick off until July or sometimes August. They like rain and little wind, so if it's blowing a gail, you are okay. Personally, the odd one nips me, but I think I am generally immune. I get hacked off when they go in my ears and hair. Jungle Formula Midge repelent is what I used to use. It doesn't smell much and keeps them at bay. Chain smoking will do the same trick!

Glencoe is quite a nice run, the hills rise sharply to both sides of the road. There is a place called the Lost Valley, again Gaelic spelling, a mile on the right past where the road crosses the waterfall. Thats not a hard trek in and worth a visit. So are trapsing along the ridges of the hills, but maybe not for the fait hearted or inexperienced. The path is only a yard wide in places with sheer drops either side.

The Kings House Hotel, to the south of Glencoe is a nice place for lunch, but busy and full of hikers, so don't expect silver service. It's in the middle of a moor that you can see from the road, so you can't miss it. The Visitor Centre at Glencoe is quite good and worth a stop. Quite a big place. The village of Glencoe is something you would blink and miss. The Police Station dominates as you just go in on the main road. Go further on and out of the village and there are some good tea and scone shops on the way to Ballachulish (Bal-la-hool-ish) For God sake don't say Bal-a-cull-ish or everyone will drop to the floor laughing or smack you on the head for taking the mick. Identifies you as a visitor straight away.

At Glencoe, you could always take the turning for a small detour of 25 miles and go to Kinlochleven. Thats were they filmed part of Rob Roy, well the hill behind that village. Bit of a twisty single track road and Kinloch is nothing to write home about, it's dominated by a large council housing estate and an old Alcan Aluminum Smelter, but the roadway goes by the lochside and is quite nice. Jimmy Saville has or used to have a small cottage on the road into Glencoe, so does Muriel Grey and Hamish MacInnes has one on the road from Kinloch to Onich.

Anyway, you have got to Onich by now. I'd go on a few miles, take the Corran Ferry, a 5 min ferry trip and £6 later, across Loch Linnhe and you are at Ardgour. Travel south and at Inversanda, turn off the Strontian road and go south towards Lochaline. It's a very twisty single track road that goes by rock faces and big drops. There you will see wild Goats clinging to the rock face. I thin k it's the only place in the UK that has wild Goats. Carry onto Lochaline and take another single track road towards Drimnin. Where the road goes by the shore, stop and keep your eyes open, there are lots of Sea Otters kicking about, playing in the Kelp. (Seaweed) You can get a good view from the car.

This is turning into a bit of an epic........ After that drive towards Strontian, at Rahoy, there is a Deer Farm and you can see Deer at the roadside, but fencing does get in the way. More to follow....

Okay, you are at Strontian. Nice shop for tea and a quick meal. Three Hotels and a small Salmon river. Plenty of Arty Crafty places, including a musical instrument maker - Aiden Edwards. You could then spend all week of that peninsular, going to places like Sanna Bay, white sands, very little in the way of visitors and visit the nearby lighthouse, which is the most westerly place on the UK mainland or go to Acharacle, nice Salmon river and long, long loch. The Loch Sheil Hotel rent out boats and you could trundle up to a small isle opposite Dalnabreck which used to be used as a cemetary and dip your rod. Bit of a dour loch for fish. Oh, part of Highlander was filmed up there, including the bit where Sean Connery dum;ps Christopher Lambert in the Loch and he finds out he can not drown. I wouldn't recommend you try that!

Carry onto Lochailort, the Hotel there has been rebuilt. The original was used for the interior shots for the film Local Hero. The place is also over run with wild Red Deer. Shot my first Stag not far from there with a .270. A ten pointer weighing over 14 stone. Got blooded, got the tusks - eye teeth ivory, kick back to prehistoric times, antlers. The Estate got the meat to sell on. Had to hand drag it with the keeper over three miles, up and down hills. Should put the SAS on that sort of thing, it sorts the men from the boys. Best time to see or rather avoid them is at night, when they wander onto the road. I don't mean the odd one or two. I remember early hours in winter coming across more than a hundred kicking about the road and yes, I have hit one. They make a mess. A friend of mine hit a stag and it's head and antlers nearly impailed the front seat passenger. Know someone else that wrote off his £2k carbon fiber specialised bicycle hitting another. Don't ask!

Then towards Mallaig (Mall-lag) Again not Mall-laig. You will go via Arisaig and the road goes by the shore. The sands here are totally white, they can get busy. The beech was used in the filming of the beech senes of Local Hero, yes, it's that nice. To be honest, apart from a walk along the quayside to look at the boats and maybe get a fish supper from the local chip shop, Mallaig isn't the most attractive of places and best avoided late night at the weekends. fishermen know how to drink and then some.

Yes, you can then travel, via the ferry onto Skye or I might be more tempted to go to Fort William and then over the bridge. What ever is your bag I suppose. Let me know if this is the sort of thing you are after before I start on Skye. Also remember that subsidised ferry transport came into effect on 01/01/09 and it's dead cheap to travel to Harris or Stornoway for that matter. Can tell you all about the Isles if you are interested.

Oh, Stormski, the Seals. Yes, Lochaber does have a few. Anywhere along the coast is okay. It also has a lot of Salmon Farms. Unfortunately, if the seals have a pop at the cadged Salmon, they get shot, so they tend to be a bit shy.

If you want Seals 24/7 and ones that don't get shot at, then I can see them from my house.

Anyway, you'd need to go north of Inverness on the A9 for about half an hour. Go across the Black Isle and at the Ardullie rounabout, take the turning for Alness, Wick etc. After a mile, stop off at the Storehouse, Fowlis Point. A good place to eat and have a cup of tea. They have picnic benches and a large car park. The seals are always basking on the sand banks. I have to say I curse visitors, they park on verges and generally block the roadway looking at the seals. It's probably the best place in the UK to see the common grey seal.

If your into Dolphins, boats run out of Inverness and Fortrose to see them. A two hour trip I think. I keep promising the kids I'll take them on that one. The only thing putting me off is if they get sea sick and do the vomit thing over me!

Bang on Carnach, absolutely perfect, thank you, better than any tourist area guide I've found online! Any tips you can tell me about Skye would be brilliant. 58 HSE, auto, lago grey, tints. Mine and my dogs Storm and Sky
TT Quattro, black. Ers.
AC Cobra rep in build. Ars.

No probs. There is probably something I forgot, which I'll add and I know when the local festivals are on. I'll do Skye tomorrow.

I was at the Sledge Dogs trials at Aviemore three weeks ago. Went up to the top car park at Cairngorm, where it was white out and minus 12c and sat in the Discovery eating our Sandwiches, watching Snowboarders making idiots of themselves. Good fun, especially when Joe Public was having to get pushes to get their cars moving out of the snow and I made sure I drove thro' the deepest stuff I could find, just to make them sick. Would have taken the wifes Freelander, needs used a bit more, but with three young kids, the Discovery has the room for a picnic.

Back to the original post. Just a point of interest, when they filmed Braveheart in Glen Nevis, I had a back scene ad hoc job. Paid very well and you see how the other half live. Yes, saw Mel Gibson in person, even sat at the same table in the marquee and had lunch with all the cast including him. Needless to say they were all in dress. A very small in height man, who chain smoked. Maybe to keep the midges away. He was transported about in a free of charge driven LR factory supplied black Range Rover. When ever I see the film with him all dressed up, I remember him stepping into the Range Rover in that kit. Sophie Marcel was a stunner, really nice off set.

This would have been the time that Fort William hosted the first UK viewing of Three Weddings and a Funeral. The Brave Heart film company hired out the local cinema for the one night viewing and the whole cast and some local attended. London may have been the first public viewing, some time later.

The Glen Nevis land owner that the wooden Fort was set on at the begining of the film was approached and asked if he wanted to keep the Fort, maybe use it as a visitor attraction. He told them no, he wanted back to it's original state and it was taken down. I wonder if he knew or even cared what a gold mine that would have been? Nowt as queer as folk.

Ridiculous film, about as historically accurate as Star Wars! Shame as its a great tale and would have made a really good blockbuster if done properly. 58 HSE, auto, lago grey, tints. Mine and my dogs Storm and Sky
TT Quattro, black. Ers.
AC Cobra rep in build. Ars.

Too true, I have to agree from that point of view, but it made money, which from the production point of view is what it is all about. It was an eye opener for me I suppose. Money getting thrown about like no ones business. 12 hour shifts 7 days a week, want something, you get it, working with people called 'Flick' and the like, cut glass accents, but nice enough people. I have never had such good food prepared from what was a catering caravan as I got there. It was five star. Gordon Ramsay would have been hard pushed to do better, but then these firms have an excellent reputation. I did buy the DVD when it came out, but always had a laugh that despite that, I made far more money from the film than they would ever get from me.

Anyway, you mean Star Wars isn't true! My world has come crashing down!