.....someone has opened his crackers early ......

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.....someone has opened his crackers early ...... Everyone can spread it - Anyone can catch it. Stay home - the life you save can be your own!

Just Googled Christmas jokes  LL.B (Hons) - University of Derby
LOT (Lord of Time) - University of Gallifrey

Doctor, don't give up the day job mate
Whoever bought that calendar got a deal, 25 days

 FL2 MY10 TD4 GS traded in at 2 years
FL2 MY13 TD4 GS Current

Thought for the day.


“If you ever start wondering if your job is pointless, spare a thought for the poor chap at BMW who is responsible for designing indicators”


Bill T Life Honorary Member of Wallasey Motor Club.
Licenced MSA Radio Operator for 35+ years.
Rallying is the only sport.

British Airways Chief Executive has been sacked for sexual harassment for saying that female cabin staff must wear short skirts with a hemline not more than six inches below the cockpit.

J

A joke for Valentine's Day

A guy has just pulled out in front of me at a service station. I shouted " ", then realised it was my first husband who I haven't seen for 20 years.

I think it's quite romantic that we can just pickup where we left off.

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Old fella decides to treat himself to a new car and the salesman talks him into an automatic.
He picks the car up and drives off a bit confused with the unfamiliar controls.
A couple of days later he rings the salesman and says that he's going to have to reject the car as its not fit for purpose.
"But whats the problem sir?"
"Its that automatic gearbox, its okay during the day but as soon as I put it into night mode it wont go anywhere, and worse that that, when I put it into race mode it goes backwards!"  Landrover - turning owners into mechanics since 1948

2014 Orkney grey Freelander SD4 GS.
2004 Zambezi silver Discovery 2 Td5 (Gone)
1963 Surf blue Morris Mini Minor Super de Luxe (my little toy)

Went and booked a table for me and Significant Other for Valentines Day. Then I remembered she hadn't got a snooker cue.






I'll get me coat

The same thing happened to me so I left my cue at home and thought I would still try for a pot and went in off the pink!

J

The joke about the auto is not so far fetched, my son worked at a west country docks as a maintenance supervisor when he received a call from one of the 5 ton bucket front loaders ( they are put in to grain holds to unload the cargo),the operator stated it wouldn't start, my son asked for the fault code and the reply was R3, my son asked for confirmation as it wasn't a fault code, he was assured it was correct so went to check, there was no fault code but the dash board indication R3 was reverse gear 3. the operator was so used to the machine starting and operating the shift controls he had never looked at the gear indicator, this machine had been craned into the hold and the last driver never checked it was in neutral when parked up. my PC is slightly to the right of Genghis
2012 HSE SD4 In Orkney Grey now gone, best car ever.

In the Times today, Viagra won’t make you James Bond, it will however make you Roger Moore

The Antique Cat

Arthur was on his way home from a football match. He was a bit down as someone had dented his car in the car park and a witness said it was a black BMW but didn’t get the reg. number to cheer himself up he stopped to have a look round an antique shop as he collected antiques. Nothing took his eye and he was heading for the door.

Propping the door open was a small, but perfectly formed, brass cat. Arthur loved it, and lifting it in one hand headed for the proprietor, who was reclining in an ancient leather chair behind a large, dark desk. "How much do you want for this little fella?" asked Arthur.

"That?" says the shopkeeper. "Hundred quid for the cat, but if you want to know the story behind it, that'll be another hundred".

Deciding he had bagged a bargain, Arthur declined the offer of the story, paid for the cat and left, tucking it inside his jacket.

He hadn't gone far, before he noticed a ginger tomcat following behind, paying no attention, Arthur continued on his way. The next time he looked round, there were five cats.... he quickened his pace...., but within seconds the five cats had become ten, and very soon twenty. Running now, ever faster, with cats chasing behind in larger and larger numbers, Arthur was beginning to tire.

Suddenly he found himself on a bridge, and, in a moment of desperation, he took the brass cat and hurled it as far as he could into the river. It was followed by wave after wave of cats, throwing themselves mindlessly into the cool deep water. Collecting his breath for a moment, Arthur turned on his heel and headed back to the antique shop.

The shop proprietor was waiting impatiently for his return. "So, you've come back for the story now eh?" he smirked. "No." says Arthur, still short of breath "I couldn't care less about the story."

"So what are you back for?" says the antique dealer, bemused.

"Well," says Arthur, "Have you got, by any chance, a small brass BMW driver?"


J

Is this something to do with Brexit?

 3 x FL1 2 manual + 1 auto
5 x FL2 4 manual + 1 auto
Now Discovery Sport P250 MHEV SE